Tag Archives: Wishful Thinking

Wishful Thinking – Confrontation

15 Oct

I realize that we might never speak again… But what do I do with all these conversations stuck in my head, that will never take place? A lot of drama, I admit… but best that I try and let it out, until it ceases by itself…

He doesn’t need to hear it, but I need to say it out loud…


Vikram: Meet this weekend?

Me: Sure… How about a play? Or would you rather pretend to not be interested, then watch it anyway, and pretend that you heard it was good but it didn’t work out for you?
Can’t imagine why you felt the need to lie…

Just My Imagination

18 Jan

is this little place I like to go, when I want to go somewhere I cannot go in person. Where the only people around, are by invite only, and who cannot say no. Where conversation is controlled, and decided by me. Where I can speak my mind, unrehearsed yet perfected, with great timing, and receive the response it deserves.
Where I can put people in their place. Where those I want to like me, have no choice but to do so, and those I tend to envy, find the tables turned.

There’s a little place called my imagination where I spent most of my childhood, and nearly every night, as I still do so. There’s a little place called my imagination where I escape every time life feels so wrong. There’s a little place called my imagination, that weakens me from the core. My vice, my weakness, my imagination.

Yearnings for a canine

15 Oct

I’d completely forgotten how much I loved dogs. How strange it is, the absence of any dogs around me, apart from threatening looking strays.

Then I came across this website : http://letslivetogether.wordpress.com/

And now those yearnings are coming rushing back.

So I don’t know how long I’m in this city, and I know for a fact that the sister won’t be indulgent. What do I do? Wait for her to leave, then move into a house, and pick up my new baby?

I love cute dogs, and frankly, I have NO idea why I don’t have one yet!

Khan he really do it?

16 Feb

Not only can he do it, he did it!

Yep, am talking about MNIK.

Karan Johar successfully took a brilliant plot, a fantastic storyline and mixed it into one of his melodramatic works that he honestly should’ve left behind in the 20th (more like 19th) century! And I rather doubt he has the right to portray America’s handling of emergencies in such an inefficient fashion. I’d like my American friends to watch the film and tell me if the country is likely to desert victims of a natural disaster when the area is as accessible as it was in the film.

But full credit goes to him for attempting to make a film with as brilliant a concept as the one this had. And full points to him for bringing Kajol and Sharukh on screen together without the chemistry that we always loved and adored. Now I won’t be so eager to see them act next to each other in the future.

All in all, a very, very mediocre film. Enjoyable moments, despicable ones too. I give it 3 on 5.

On a side-note, watching SF was quite a pleasure. Makes me long for being in the US yet again. Though at a more subtle level, I look at how an immigrant from this part of the world is likely to be treated there, and I’m forced to reconsider. Maybe if I could live on Wisteria Lane…

Anyhow, I thought I’d given that a long-needed break… The yearning to move to the States. And then I thought that I’d rather do Europe. And in between all that longing for everything out of reach, I’d told myself that being a first-grade citizen in India was pretty cool too… Yep, I want everything and I’m incapable of being satisfied with what I have. That’s established then. Nothing new there…

Je parle Français

12 Nov

I don’t know why I’ve kept it to myself this long, since the news came one day post that of the internship, but here it is now.

I was accepted into 2 of the 3 courses in France that I was interviewed for, end of last month. A decision on the third will come after an indefinite amount of time.

So I’ve decided to pursue one of the two programs, which I’ve been told is offered by a reputed college. Should I manage to complete all formalities, I should be flying to France towards September end, for at least a year and a half, if not more!
In order to fare better in my scholarship application (which would cover my entire tuition fee of 10k Euros ) I must start brushing up my French. Thus, I have a French book in my bag at all times, and Audio lessons on my iPod. I can proudly say that it’s going quite well; rather, “ce va très bien!”

Naturally, I’m not too excited about it because I’m almost positive that it won’t materialize eventually, but one can enjoy the moment while it lasts, n’est ce pas?

Right then, exams start Monday. A bientôt, mes amies!

Dilution of Concentration

23 Jun

So I won’t deny that I have serious concentration issues. My mind races from one series of thoughts to another in a speedy and seamless manner, and I have little voluntary control over it, myself. This seriously affects my studies, and as I’ve now discovered, will probably but my productivity at work by 75-80 per cent, when the time comes.
The flow of thoughts from one issue, event, scenario, situation… mostly fictional… hampers my very peace of mind, and has yet become, or maybe always been a part of me, triggering a host of other ailments such as absent-mindedness, inability to multi-task and so on. So one would think I have enough obstacles at hand to deal with already, right? What with all the work to be done, and so many thoughts that I will unsuccessfully attempt to repress, there’s just so much I can do, and my hands are full.

Then why on earth (can someone please explain to me) has a hot, white guy suddenly appeared on a nearby desk? Extremely nearby! No, I cannot see him but I can perpetually hear him on his phone calls, which are work-related and of little interest to me, but yet I listen.

Okay, I admit I was exaggerating a bit up there. Most of my thoughts are still fixated on Shiney. Today, I was daydreaming about being arrested and put into prison, but then being acquitted but not wanting to come out because I was in put in the same cell as him.
Sick, I know!

Get over him already, Unsung… He doesn’t swing your way 😦

Return to Sanctum

12 May

It was after over 4 years that I escaped again, last night. Escaped to my refuge from the world around me, all obstacles, tasks, trials and tribulations.

Through most of my childhood, I had the uncanny ability of what most would call daydreaming. Even with my eyes open, I would mentally and spiritually disappear to my sanctuary. When I was riding the bus to school in the morning, when classes were proceeding, when I was riding the bus home, while I was lying in my bed at night, waiting to fall asleep.
Amusing as this may sound to some of you, my sanctuary was a concert stage, with a large audience before me. And I would sing all my favourite songs that reflected my mood, never a positive one because I would never have to visit the sanctuary then.
But I would sing, and they would listen. I never saw my audience, but they were there. All I could see and feel was myself. On the stage. Emoting. Escaping. By singing. Not so much singing as performing… introducing each song, the original artist. And eventually introducing my own compositions too.

In the past years, I found enough happiness in life that I never needed to revisit my sanctuary. When I dreamed, I would visit other places… mostly real ones. But when I tried visiting the stage, it would all be hazy and I could never quite feel myself on it.
As I lay on my bed last night, I tried again. I was allowed in.

Not much has changed.