Tag Archives: Obsessions

Someone Like You

11 May

Why is it that the last thought before I fall asleep, and the first when I awake, is being wrapped in your embrace?
How is it that you take away my peace, unless my head on your shoulder lays?
Why is it that the thought of two weeks without you, causes so much pain?
Why do you make me feel at the very beginning, that I’ve lost the race?

Why in your tight embrace, do I feel so secure?
Each time you leave, I’m left feeling so unsure?
Why must I strive to distract from thoughts of you?
How am I to break from your allure?

You are so perfect, in every which way.
You listen, you laugh, bring out the best in me each day.
Make the right noises, without giving  much away.
But how am I to know if you are really here to stay?

Your home is my temple
Your bed is my shrine
Your visits are a blessing
Your presence is sublime

The sound of your voice
The touch, feel, sight of your greys
I bask in your wisdom
I strive for your affection, more attention
But wonder if it’s not only for me?

You fill up my senses
My heart and my mind
Do not leave, let me rest in your
tight, tight embrace
Even when the sun has set
and risen
and set again
Let us just lay

And all those insecurities…

11 Mar

… that I could have only guessed existed, begin to show their ugly face. He tells me to take it easy, and not to think so much, but am I even capable of it?

What I need is someone to seize control of  my insanity and my paranoia. Who can manipulate me for my own good. Possible to achieve, you think?

I need someone who can do that, and promise to remain loyal forever.
Impossible, that.

All of this in 4 days. I don’t think I’m ever going to get a break, in life…

Letter To The Dentist

5 Sep

5th September, 2009
Location Withheld

Dearest Dentist,
You really need to clean up your act. I came into your life with my crooked wisdom teeth. You came into my life with all your hotness. I showed faith in you. You showed interest in “my case”. I let you pull out my tooth. You called me back to pull out another. I ran all over the hospital looking for my file, so that we could re-unite together. You asked me why I was late!

Mine was a complicated case. So complicated that you wanted to take snapshots! What did I do? I sat there in your chair with a funny shower-cap on, and I posed! I literally cocked one eye up, so as to look hot and desireable. Do you have any idea how sexy that looks, coupled with the cosmetic makeover (more on that later) I had given my eyes? Which, thankfully, you noticed and commented on in a not-so-negative tone, but there’s no excuse for not admiring me more. I posed for you!
You probably smiled. I don’t know. You had a stupid mask on. But you did not react audibly!

Then you attacked my tooth. You ground it. You drilled. You hammered. You called another doctor (“Sir”) and consulted him, time and again. Wow, you’re not even a total doctor. A PG student at the most. But I still let you grind and hammer. And then stitch. I still trusted you. I let you take snapshots of my mouth in comprimising positions (No, I can’t explain what I mean!), cocking my eyebrow each time, even though I knew it wasn’t in the frame. I let you work on my tooth, which in your own words, “ne aapkee lagaa di” (“f*cked your case”). Everyone else smiled at and appreciated the entertainment package that was sitting in the chair. And how much interest did you show? Nothing!

When you were done, you were giving me post-operative tips. For instance, you told me I couldn’t drink or smoke for a week. Now I don’t care much about drinking or smoking, but I pretended to, just so that I could make a puppy-face to melt your heart. And I made it a point to ask you how long I had to wait before I could use my tongue to probe the operation site, as an adorable little kid would do. You told me not to. I asked you for how long. You said, “Don’t do it”. I again asked innocently, “For how long?” And then, you nearly reprimanded me for being careless! All I was trying to do was be cute!

Then you gave me your phone number to inform you of the recovery progress in the following hours. I SMSed you just half an hour later, asking if I could take my pain killers  a little sooner, and I signed off as “Jiske daant ne aapki lagaa di” (“He whose tooth f*cked your case”) and all you could say in return was “Ha[an] ok take care”??

Subsequently, I messaged you later on, as per your orders, and I signed off with “Enjoy your workout :)”
Did you know that I knew you go to a gym? Hmm? Did you? I do! And I mentioned that I’m aware of the fact that you work out, and yet, all you said in return to that message was “Gud thn tke care”!!!

What’s WRONG with you? Are you aware that I’m crazy about you(r hot-ness) even though you almost sound so prosaic when you speak? Are you conscious of the fact that I’ve saved the hottest snaps from your orkut album onto my hard-drive (Shut up Chandni!)?

Are you aware that a poor patient is constantly trying to hit on you, and you’re being one-hundred percent dense about it (consciously or unconsciously) even though there’ll come a day when we’ll permanently part ways and never see each other again (except that I’ll see you through your orkut snaps, and you might see me if you retain my snaps) and you won’t have to think about me ever again?

I’m disappointed, Doctor. I’m damn disappointed.

Forever yours,
UsP

In other news, Unsung 2.0 is here. No, there’s no revamp to the blog (at the moment). But there’s certainly been a cosmetic uplift, as mentioned earlier.

I unfortunately don’t have my camera on me, at the moment, so I’m going to use a low-res one from my phone. Here goes nothing!

Copy of DSC00028

There were some compliments. One told me I looked like a paedophile.

Then there was criticism, which I don’t really care for. Ex-roomie commented that I’d do anything for attention. I disagree partly. My eyes seem far larger with coloured contacts, which I think is fantastic!

A few didn’t notice at all :S

Anyway, comment away folks!

Losing Battles

6 Aug

Came to college with many hopes and expectations. I thought I’d have 5 memorable months ahead of me. So far, it doesn’t seem too good.

Final semester in college, and everything is dismal. Everybody’s studying sick for GRE and CAT. I’m taking neither. I feel uncertain.

Few companies are coming to recruit. None of the mass recruiters came. Everybody’s worried, including those preparing and counting on entrance exams for further studies. The realization doesn’t hit me, and I don’t feel like budging an inch. I didn’t sit for the first company because the nature of work didn’t inspire me. The second one arrives on Monday and is very suitable, but I have no motivation left to study. This reduces my options to zero, and I can only feel depressed about it. I don’t perform well under depression.

I signed up for another exchange program today, hoping to land a six month training somewhere in Europe. My curriculum vitae seems bland, and I’m not optimistic.

The hair-fall is back, and ferocious. The front scalp is becoming increasingly visible. I’ve increased my frequency of oiling to daily. It’s not helping. I’m starting to succumb and accept. I’m starting to mentally prepare.

When I was in Delhi, I went to mom and almost begged her to take notice and take me to a trichologist. She said she would, but didn’t find the time. She didn’t find the time to take me to the dentist for some extractions that have been delayed 3 times so far, for periods of 6 months each time. I know I should be doing these things myself, but I cannot and I need her to do them for me, but she didn’t have the time or was too preoccupied. I know I shouldn’t hold her responsible, but I do. I’m not openly accusing her, but I cannot help holding it against her (not the dental work, but the visit to the trichologist).
My hair is falling and I’m going to feel uglier than I could ever imagine. There will be nothing left at all to look into the mirror and appreciate. It will shatter my self-confidence entirely. I know I shouldn’t be so paranoid about appearances (yes, it’s “SO gay”), but I simply am, I’ve always been, and I cannot change my DNA.

I feel I’m losing every possible battle, all at the same time, and there are none that are left to win.
Even if there were, I’m in no position to fight them.

I could view the future as extremely uncertain. Alternatively, it could turn out to be everything I was afraid of. Predictable, discouraging and downright depressing.

I think I…

14 Jul

…might have my very first official date tomorrow…

We met over coffee today (IN MY VERY OWN NEIGHBOURHOOD) and we’re planning to meet tomorrow. If not for dinner, then for a party.

I’m positively worried.

Performance Appraisal

15 May

Well, since my exams commence tomorrow, I suppose it would be a suitable time for me to post!

This morning, when I was all ready to set out to the library, I realised how well my short-lived crash diet and subsequent exercise plan seemed to be working! I’m thinner than I’ve ever been before!

So I decided to take photographs to preserve the memory, for good or for bad, and the session began. Some 20 snaps later, I had a collection of pics, a few of which I’m so very proud of! Hooray 🙂

Later in the day, I said Hello to my bonhomie bonhomo friend in college who smsed me, though well after we weren’t within a few kilometres of each other, that I’d lost a lot of weight and was looking quite good 🙂

As he has unfortunately discovered this blog already, and I believe, reads it occasionally, I can take this opportunity to thank him publicly for putting a smile on my face when I really could do with one!

Okay, that’s enough gloating for today! Gotta study sleep. Wish me luck, folks!

Umm… Yeh kya ho raha hai?

4 Mar

With every passing day, as I near my target of leaving the country and rushing abroad, my comfort with the hindi is becoming increasingly better! Yesterday, a man joked in Hindi, and I laughed… genuinely! Not put on, as it always is!

I don’t have to make an effort to joke in hindi anymore, I’m comfortable interacting in hindi with people (sometimes a little too comfortable). Hagatha said it’s becoming natural!

 

LIKE OMG!

 

DO you KNOW how much hindi music there is on my iPod now? Last night, I went to sleep listening only to hindi tracks!

 

Someone save me… I’m becoming…. G!
No, not gay! You KNOW what!

Why do I feel that I’m becoming you-know-what because my hindi is becoming better? Scan my earlier posts to read about my I-am-inherently-monolingual theory. I have to rush now.

Chal, baad mein milte hain 😛