I’m Ashamed, Honest

I really never do like visiting such websites and chatrooms. It isn’t anything less than an open secret that they’re exclusively a portal for those who seek sex and sex alone. I naturally don’t, else I wouldn’t bother engaging in endless conversation with someone at the other end of the world, right?

But it so happens that once in a while, when a person is on-line at 1 a.m. at night, and exams loom large two days ahead and there is a lot of syllabus left, a person tends to feel lonely.

That is quite how it all happened, and after many months, no doubt (that I’m exaggerating), I logged on to that forsaken Y! Chat room. Soon enough, someone sent forth a message, and we initiated conversation. He started out with “How are you” which struck a chord with me, as it was quite a welcome relief from the mundane “asl”. In retrospection, I would’ve preferred if he had opened conversation with the latter.

The fellow, with an American name, was an NRI living in the US, and in India on some work for the next 2 years. Going by my (physical) attraction towards Caucasians, we spoke for about an hour, about his work, travel and so on. He kept asking me my name and so on; I kept averting.

Hours went by. I made soup, coffee. Everything I could to keep myself awake to study. Only, I didn’t study all that much. Each time I said I had to go, he would say “Only 10 more minutes”.

He spoke noble, of wanting a good “Indian” friend. I kept telling him that I was suspicious. He kept asking me why.

The third time I voiced my doubts over his intentions, he asked me why I kept saying that. I told him that I considered the Online Gay community, on chat rooms et all, very shady and doubt-worthy.

It was then that he asked me why I kept “speaking about the gay community lol”. I very promptly told him that it was because I was gay and so was he. To which he responded that he wasn’t.

I was only about to lecture him over being in denial and things of that sort, when it dawned upon me.

“Errr… you mayn’t like to hear this, but the chat room you were in is a Gay chat room.”

Following that revelation, one would’ve thought that he’d grab his bag and run like wildfire. Did he? No, not him! He kept me there for another 10 minutes, arguing that I couldn’t be “gay” and had to be a “gurl”. That’s a totally new level of being in denial, if you ask me!

Eventually, I had to sign off and leave him gaping.

It was 3.32 am and I felt absolutely horrid. To compensate for the loss of sleep, I had to sacrifice 3 hours of precious study in the afternoon, yesterday.

As far as academics are concerned, I’ve never known anyone more suicidal than I. Yet, I never learn.

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Cyber-Sleaze

So it started out with this internet connection that a Private University was so kind enough to give us for ‘no extra charge’, or so they claim. It took care of all my surfing and chatting needs for over 2 years! The downloading was a little slow, but I got by. Moreover, the service was available throughout the campus. I could pop open the laptop (that they gave us), in any decent location on campus (outdoors), and get internet access! Poof!

When I returned from home for the current semester, they had put all sorts of restrictions on the college net, but thankfully, we found a way to circumnavigate those obstacles. I found proxies to access the “forbidden domain”, even though I’m sure they have ways of finding out what all we are surfing. So what if they can? If confronted on the issue, I’d say (or I at least told myself that I would), “Yes, I do surf those websites. So bite me!”

Then one fine day, I discovered that my cellphone had internet settings stored on it. I pressed a few buttons and Lo Behold! I could open elementary websites on my phone’s basic internet browser! It let me access my blog, look up new comments that were left behind, and respond to them! I could also check my email and what-not! It hardly cost anything, too… On the day that these events transpired, the only workout that my body got, in the gym, was confined to the fingers. I then began to wonder if I could use my phone as a modem for my laptop. I promptly went and attempted it at home. It didn’t work. Too bad! Phone-net only for email and checking comments on ze weblog. Nevermind. I have internet on the laptop, too.

A few days later, a friend proposed that I buy and share a DSL connection with him and another. Initially, I looked at the finances and said “Hell, no! Cannot spare that without telling at home, and they would never approve, knowing the addict that I am. Besides, I get a passable service to surf, already! For free!”

A few days later, a common friend told me how I’d let my friend down by not accepting his proposition. I looked at the finances again. The bank balance was grim. I called him that evening and said “Okay, let’s do it!”

I ran twice as hard on the treadmill after hanging up. In sheer delight, I found myself. Where would I squeeze out the money to afford the connection? Time would tell. For the moment, I was getting D-S-L!

So the DSL came. Life became so much better! I downloaded a 3rd episode of He-Man, and watched it. It is so corny. Deleted the source before I would download any other just for the heck of it.

Put Betwiched on download instead. It is so awesome! Watch it please, guys!

Today, in the library, I was googling on my phone (one of the few services the Elementary in-built browser allows) and read somewhere about “Opera Mini”, the best internet browser for the mobile. I was intrigued. I downloaded it pronto! It was marvellous! Exactly like firefox, with zoom in and zoom out and what-not! I could no anything that I could on my laptop now! Including facebook, Ha! I even logged on to Kris’s blog and left a comment!

“You have exams in 3 days, idiot!” a voice in my head echoed. “Shhhhh!” I hissed back. Another 3 hours down the drain.

So now I’m a common internet whore, and that seems to be my only identity. It isn’t for the purpose of checking my online profile on shady networking websites or downloading “inappropriate content” but simply for posting here, logging on and reading up your blogs, and exchanging comments.

You guys are a second family to me. *Group hug* Would you accept me with all my faults? I hope so.

Never betray me or let me down, for if you do….

I will hunt you down and bitch-slap you till you cry. I’m gay so it doesn’t matter if you’re a girl.

You have been warned!

My Own Independence Day

Isn’t it ironical how events that transpire, often seem to fit into a scheme of things, almost as if it was decided by destiny itself?

2 such events happened in my life recently.

The first is that as I scroll my mouse towards the clock on my computer, it states that today is 16th of August, 2008. Surely that’s something to worry about, isn’t it? A computer that is connected to the internet for the better part of the day cannot keep the time correctly? That my laptop with which I share a divine bond that hasn’t been broken since time immemorial, and has often caused my parents to think that I need therapy, should attempt at cheating me and creating disarray in my life?

Or does it fit into the marvellous scheme of things that seem haphazard and co-incidental, but may truly not be?

Let us examine.

Today is the 17th of August. One day ahead of 16th, and 2 days ahead of 15th.

My computer, however, asserted that today is 16th of August, only a day ahead of the 15th. Yes, sorry, I know you can do that much math. I just thought I’d mention this for the sake of one Rambunctious WhinerSnapper who would has an aversion towards even the most elementary mathematics.

So basically, my computer was asserting, not quite that today is 16th August(Well, it was, but that is not the point), but that yesterday was the 15th.

In another galaxy far far away… okay, not so far away. Let’s say, in the same galaxy but many millions of years before… okay, not millions exactly, but close to it. 14 hours to be precise.

One Unsung Psalm, along with 2 friends, acquired and shared a brand new internet connection. It was bright, shiny and spotless, the way internet connections usually are. Yes, I know they’re supposed to be “intangible” and stuff-and-nonsense, but only to those whose lives do not revolve around it. To some others, it is our god, our divine father, our sacred mother; which includes me.

Yes, I got a bright, shiny new blah blah. It was from a private provider. And it was a liberation of sorts.

Prior to that, I had been condemned to the mercy of the college internet connection! It was their weapon for inflicting oppression, curbing our freedom of thought and expression, controlling our very existence!

It was a “free” WiFi connection that you may “access at any point in the campus” with the exception that it was slow, every other thing was blocked, and you had to keep signing in every hour or so! When darkness fell, so did this supply of contaminated oxygen. “You may breathe between 6 am and 11.59 pm only. The remaining hours are for you to sleep.”

Sleep? A deep dreadful sleep from which many never awoke!

Well, okay, they did. But they didn’t feel refreshed. Fine, some did! But No, not ever, I!

Then yesterday, 3 days after I had rendered myself bankrupt, it was bestowed upon me. Freedom to choose. Freedom to speak. Freedom to live. Freedom to open websites that my mom, dad, college authorities and society as a whole would frown upon. And finally, freedom to…

… download.

This morning, when I awoke to the chirping of birds, and songs of freedom…

FINE! When I awoke to the sound of construction at a nearby site, and sat on my computer to write a mundane entry or lame-ass ode to the internet that “Random” would wholeheartedly condemn, I realised that yesterday was 15th of August in the life and times of Unsung Psalm.

Now we are free.

Goodbye academic excellence.