Tag Archives: Infatuation

Come Undone

5 Sep
Me: I suppose I will have to eventually stop or at least reduce meeting you… Seems like I’ve been testing my resilience, or some would say stupidity, over the last few months…

Him: Hmm not sure what’s on your mind….like I said earlier…check for expectations …with boss and with others

Me: I suppose I misunderstood your expectations early on, and that misunderstanding has faded with time

Him: Call if u’d like to talk…

Me: If I was comfortable talking about it, I would’ve brought it up long ago… I thought age was a barrier, and that misconception was cleared today… So it must be something else?

[He tries calling at this point, but I disconnect]
Me: As I said, not comfortable talking about it… And I thought you also said texting is easier?

[Long silence from his end]
Me: Conversation ends here?

Him: No…but I don’t want to do it on sms…Prefer to talk or better still in person…I care about u and would like u as a friend….

Me: I guess I just care about you as much more than a friend. I suppose I just needed you to know, because you somehow don’t seem to pick up on hints.
But there’s a clear mismatch in expectations, so I guess there’s no point in talking about it. But I guess I needed you to know, so I’m done with that.

Him: Ok.yes I know

A true Romantic

5 Aug

How unfortunate that I cry about my awkward hours is since I cannot go on an evening date…

How shallow of me that I nurture an American dream, only with the hope of finding a mate

How pathetic of me to be willing to renounce that long-nurtured desires, as I lay in his soft embrace

How tragic that I know that I must, but I cannot wait.

Someone Like You

11 May

Why is it that the last thought before I fall asleep, and the first when I awake, is being wrapped in your embrace?
How is it that you take away my peace, unless my head on your shoulder lays?
Why is it that the thought of two weeks without you, causes so much pain?
Why do you make me feel at the very beginning, that I’ve lost the race?

Why in your tight embrace, do I feel so secure?
Each time you leave, I’m left feeling so unsure?
Why must I strive to distract from thoughts of you?
How am I to break from your allure?

You are so perfect, in every which way.
You listen, you laugh, bring out the best in me each day.
Make the right noises, without giving  much away.
But how am I to know if you are really here to stay?

Your home is my temple
Your bed is my shrine
Your visits are a blessing
Your presence is sublime

The sound of your voice
The touch, feel, sight of your greys
I bask in your wisdom
I strive for your affection, more attention
But wonder if it’s not only for me?

You fill up my senses
My heart and my mind
Do not leave, let me rest in your
tight, tight embrace
Even when the sun has set
and risen
and set again
Let us just lay

Unconscious Visitor

2 Feb

Tell me, why you followed me… Deep into the night?
Is it because I think of you, every time I’m left aside?
It isn’t really you, but what you could symbolize.
Yet, each time you cross my mind, that fact I fail to recognize.
Why did you follow me, into the night?
Though it was in light of day, underneath the orange sky.
You sat before me, but I pretended…
as you would have, in real life.
Then you noticed and you smiled,
Or was that just a wishful sigh?
Did you rise and walk towards me?
Or sat in place, and waved aside?
Tell me why you followed me
Into my dreams, into the night
Undesired, uninvited
Till came along the morning light?

Thank you

23 Nov

Thank you A,
For that one week of regular phonecalls after work. Thank you for dragging me away from my desk, for an hour a day, just me and you. Those words of affection that, even if you use casually, I now hear no more.
That fostering friendship, that is now seems no more than an acquaintance.
Thank you for those 8 beautiful days, that almost gave me hope, even though I fought to silence that feeling stirring inside me.

Thank you for that dinner, however short and however casual and friendly it seemed.

Thank you for reminding me, that I’m just not good enough for you.

Thank you.

Self-control

28 Oct

Sometimes, it truly helps to realize that not everyone can interpret sarcasm, exaggeration (for humor) and such and such, even if you explicitly say that you used them.
Which could cost you a shot at extremely hot people.
Or maybe you never had a shot at them anyway, but you don’t want a silly message, intended to humor, to seal the deal on the fact (that you never had a shot).

Ahh, life :-/

Young

18 Sep

Went on a most amazing lunch-date today. He is just so perfect. Someone I’d like to explore possibilities with. But just that he doesn’t feel the same way. I prefer older men. And so does he.

I thought youth was on my side. Yet it’s my biggest obstacle?

He’s ten years older, looks so amazing, is so adorable, so perfect. So positive, so reassuring. But considers me too young? Too innocent? Or assumes that because of my age, I’m some tramp?

Close to three hours that I spent with him, 3 amazing hours in a long long time. Why must they mean so much more to me, than they do to him?

If only I could conjure a potion. A love potion, that would make him mine. Or any other way through which I could hold have him, hold him through the night.
Because dreams are not enough, dreams must come to an end. Dreams won’t give me reality, the reality of his touch.
Touch him, hold him. Hold on tight.
Fall asleep beside him. Kiss him goodnight.