Tag Archives: Humour

Mindless banter

6 Jan

Me : and I was excited to see an article about intentions of developing an IT park in Delhi, but disappointed to see that it was part of Vision 2020

Jay : ah yes, I saw that

Me : so I’ll be going to PnP next when I’m 41… Yay 😐

Jay : 2020 is no longer 20 years away, you know… we just celebrated 2010

Me : oh, shit… yes! stupid me 😛
i feel like a blonde, sometimes

Jay : I can understand that

Me : Oh, you feel like a blonde sometimes too?

Jay : No

Me : Hmm.

[This conversation has been slightly edited for presentation purposes. Standard journalistic practices.]

What the fuck are you suggesting?

23 Jun

So it was my hilariously funny cousin’s birthday a few weeks ago. We had to join her for dinner that evening, and I stopped at a store to pick up a Tee for her. This store is notorious for hip, urban offerings. One T-shirt for guys boasts that all the wearer really wants in life is “two beers and a blowjob”.
Another one for girls had a Pepsi logo on it, and simply said “Sexsi”.

So I picked one up from the collection, carried it with me. We’d gotten into our car after dinner, and I was heading home with mom when she realised that I hadn’t handed over the Tee to my cousin, so she did that in haste. Some 10 minutes later, while I was driving, mom got a call from the cousin… Something about who’d picked up the T. Mom told her that I had (which wasn’t entirely true. It was a decision between me, another cousin and my aunt). The conversation ended with “Okay, never mind… it’ll be changed.” I was quite shocked really…

Me: What happened?? She didn’t like it??
Maa: No…
Me: WTF! It’s so her… Maybe it was the colour or something??
Maa:It says “Queen of the Fucking Universe”
Me: Haan, toh? What’s the big deal? Since when did she start objecting to public usage of “Fuck”??
Maa: She said it’s very suggestive…
Me: What’s suggestive? ?

Me: Oh fuck!

Me: OMG!!! Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

Me: Hahahahahhaha!!! I don’t believe that!! OMGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

Maa: Fine fine, you don’t need to sound like you’re out-of-breath…

All In a Day’s Work

11 May

Sorry, this one is for Hindi-speakers only.

Warning: Conversational jokes such as these are usually funny in-the-moment and sound rather lame when related later… Probably like this one…

____

Late into the evening, when the frustration had really built up…

Amit: Why do we need to use this Random() function? I mean, do we really need to know it?

Me : Well, suppose someone comes up to you, puts a gun on your head and says “Use the Random() function or else…” 

Amit : Lol! Haan, haan… Random() function use kar, nahi toh main maroonga…

Me : Whaddaya mean “maroonga”?! He puts a gun to your head and says “Random() function use kar, nahi toh main thapad maroonga?”

And they say my hindi is poor!