Tag Archives: Heterosexuals!

Conversations, Revelations, Premonitions

24 Aug

So I was walking into the hostel gates this evening when this classmate, who’s blended beautifully into the background for the past 2 years in class, was passing before me. We occasionally have 2 minute chats if we’re ever walking down the same corridor at the same time, but that’s happened about twice in the 2 years. Usual pleasantries, nothing much.

Today, however, the stars were conspiring. As he passed before me, I stopped him to ask him about a seminar that he’d attended. I didn’t stop him because he’s pretty darn cute, but because I had a genuine interest in hearing about the seminar. And lo behold…

Books, Literature, Movies, Careers, High School, Parenting, Girls (puke!), Booze, Weed, Gym…

45 minutes must’ve gone by without noticing. Well, I did notice, because I was running late for the gym. But I stood there in the corridor, with this dude, making pleasant conversation for 45 whole minutes!
My enthusiasm dropped 5 counts when I heard that he’d dated women until very recently. But the conversation just kept on going, even when on two occasions, I mentioned that I should be heading off!

Funniest is that the guy is extremely withdrawn, not very warm or animated. Yet, he kept talking and I kept talking. We kept talking about ourselves, and it didn’t even get competitive!

It was one of the highlights of the day, along with some others. Another was that I finally discovered the identity of this dude I’d met on a gay networking site, who is a college senior. The dude knew my identity but never told me his own. We eventually stopped talking until I remembered him the other day. So I traced his profile online, and discovered that he relocated to the USA. One short query to Tanuja and instantly, I knew his name! Hurray, a long-standing mystery solved!!

These highlights were quite essential after a horrid night’s sleep. I was trapped in this horrid dream in which I was at a family function and all of my relatives there were outright ignoring me. I figure it was because of the recent spat over email with Pop, to which the cousin reacted. Nonetheless, I wasn’t too bothered about it, in my dream. What I was bothered about were my nephews and neice! Those little toddlers that I dote on, and who, I confess, are fond of me as well! They had been turned against me, at their age! In my dream, I believed that my cousin sister was behind it! Yikes! So I don’t mind breaking away from the family at large, and may have to one day, but saying goodbye to those kiddos is too big a price to pay for being slightly rude to Pop…
I hope it’s not a warning of any kind!

Oh, this has to be one of my best blog titles ever!

Intrusive flatmates, Milky Slump

22 Mar

So I spent last night at my classmate’s flat. On our arrival, there was the casual introduction to his flat-mates. I’ve known one of them for over 2 years now, and we make casual talk around 2 times in six months. It scarcely gets very personal and most often, we only exchange pleasantries.

Last night was a total contrast, and conversation became a bit too personal, forcing me to endeavour to cut it short wherever possible. No, there were no references to sexuality or anything of the sort.
The gentleman, it seems, had read with tremendous interest my facebook tag containing 25 random things about me, which he informed me almost immediately upon my arrival. With that over, he proceeded to advise me to keep it shorter the next time. Initially, I attempted to explain to him that I was merely enjoying writing “after a long time” since I’d stopped blogging ages ago, and that I got slightly carried away. Soon after, I realised I had a better argument, and informed him that he was at complete liberty not to read my Facebook notes at all! And that those who spent unending amounts of time on facebook literally needed to get a life (albeit in subtle words, as he was in inebriated and I did not want to touch a nerve).

I must’ve moved off, feeling a dash counfounded with the interest he’d shown in my notes, and the issue came up again a few hours later. I mentioned something about myself, and he’d tell me that it was in my 25ers. I didn’t know it was in my 25ers.

It was just plain eerie, it was! I wasn’t flattered, only rather taken aback.

 

So today, I watched a full length film after a really really long time. It had to be Milk, and Milk it was. Upon completion of this film, I cannot hold against Sam his sentiments on being gay. I think it’s a huge obstacle that I face in my life, trying to survive in a society which just doesn’t want to let me. And it’s a shame that with this obstacle comes so many more.
I look at Harvey Milk’s life (through the film) and wonder that after all his actions and endeavours, what was in it for him? All the inspiring talks and speeches, the struggles and one million disappointments… what did he accomplish, as a reward for all his efforts, in terms of personal gains?
And I see nothing. 

 

Brilliant film though!

Caught in the Hat

25 Jan

With the long weekend around, some members of this new club that I’ve just joined, decided to organise a barbecue on a nearby beach. We set out with bag and baggage, armed with tons of chicken, cottage cheese, cold drinks and a spot of rum.

It was after many weeks that I finally got high last night! Boy was it desirable! There isn’t much that I don’t remember that I mayn’t have said, but many assumed that I went quite tipsy after my first drink, and I won’t deny I did go a bit light in the head far too early in the evening. Nonetheless, I kept on drinking for as long as I could, and the high was sustained.
In the meanwhile, I seemed to have a bit of a disagreement with one of the few other drinkers that evening, and I think he was, in jest, a bit rude. Now normally I’d have brushed it off, or at least not shown that I was offended, but the alcohol had gotten to me, and I was a bit silent and sulky for a good few hours, prompting one of the other drinkers to come and profusely apologise in case he had been rude (which he had not) followed by the one who had, who admitted that he may have crossed the line… he didn’t know because he was really high.

So anyway, I got a good idea of what it feels like to be offended while in a state of slight inebriety. And the discourtesy that was meted to me was exactly the same, correction, less than the amount I meted out to another, that same evening. Except the one that I had endeavored to tease was thicker-skinned than I am, thus he wasn’t offended, whereas my pride is easily hurt if anyone as much as raises his voice while speaking to me, or makes a rude comment or a threat, even in jest. Thus, I couldn’t “normalise” myself last evening, in spite of wanting to. I just had to wait for the annoyance to blow over, brushing away apologies that came my way with a “Come on, man! Don’t embarrass me” and such.

Anyway, we went to sleep late that night, but woke up early and went on a hunt for coffee. We finally found a shack, ordered coffee and biscuits. I got up meanwhile, to go to the counter and pay, when I noticed a sleek, rustic black hat hanging from the top. Too embarrassed to ask him myself, I went back and urged anyone to ask him if it was on sale, and how much it cost. They couldn’t for their lives figure out why I couldn’t ask myself, and proceeded to dictate sentences to me that I could use to do so (“Bhaiyya, how much is that for?)
I explained to them that I very much could phrase sentences in Hindi, but felt embarrassed to ask (for some confounded reason). The lone girl in our company, a speaker of the native language, was gracious enough to go ask, which she did.
The shopkeeper was initially confused, thinking she wanted to take snaps wearing it. She corrected him of my intention, and he said that though it wasn’t for sale, he’d sell it to her for a certain amount (less than what it actually cost).

The amount was by no means the throw-away kind, but I was willing to pay whatever it cost, such is my passion for hats and boots. The hat was made of leather. Unfortunately, the stitching was coming off in one place.

The others, meanwhile, were observing me aghast. After it sunk in that my intentions were serious, a torrent of gay jibes started. Acknowledging that a liking for hats and boots (that too of leather) is quite common in the community and can scarcely be justified otherwise, I didn’t endeavour to protest beyond the forceful “Shut Up”‘s, which did not hamper their fun.
I however, had no intentions to conceal my awe of the hat, and continued to admire it, and had handed my representative the money to pay for it, when they finally dissuaded me from buying the goddamn hat. All I got from it was a snap, which too everyone found really funny.

I hope that I manage to buy that hat someday. It’s just so perfect! I know I won’t be able to wear it anywhere, but it would be fun to own, nonetheless.

But meanwhile, I would like to know from y’all… what is it about hats and boots that enamours the gay community but fails to appeal to heterosexual men?

Say NO to MTV (For more reasons than one)

6 Jan

Yesterday, whilst at my cousin’s, MTV Roadies (6.0) happened to be playing on TV. So this hopeful comes in. Quite like the rest, he’s totally gavaar. And a gym instructor.

Both the interviewers went off about how only gay people are into body-building, and thus the guy was gay. And the dude kept denying the allegation. Then they asked him to unclothe, and commented on how the fact that he waxed (or specifically used veet or something) his tattoo was on his back, and only visible to someone behind him, and how that was gay and yada yada yada. (In retrospection, I wonder how they know so much about hair-removal products.)
Once he’d left the room, they said in closing comments that “they were kidding and that he wasn’t gay”. Because clearly, if he was, that would be the most humiliating thing in the world, right?

I wasn’t holding the remote control, so I couldn’t help our being parked on MTV. But as a rule, I avoid that dumb-shit channel. Even though I was interviewed randomly on the street by an MTV anchor last week, and people called screaming that they saw me on air. Because frankly, MTV is trash! I suppose the only reason I did not run away when the VJ came up to us was because he was cute. But yes, MTV is trash. Though I thought Roadies was interesting.

But if Rajiv & Raghu are going to go about suggesting that there’s something wrong or embarassing about being gay, even though they otherwise pretend to be responsible and mature adults and sensitive towards respecting women and blah blah, then sorry, I don’t want them on my TV!

Video Link
http://www.mtvindia.com/roadies/videos_episodes_ep6.php

Check out “Sunny Paji…” and “Sunny Thakur – Bhagoo”

I’m Ashamed, Honest

21 Aug

I really never do like visiting such websites and chatrooms. It isn’t anything less than an open secret that they’re exclusively a portal for those who seek sex and sex alone. I naturally don’t, else I wouldn’t bother engaging in endless conversation with someone at the other end of the world, right?

But it so happens that once in a while, when a person is on-line at 1 a.m. at night, and exams loom large two days ahead and there is a lot of syllabus left, a person tends to feel lonely.

That is quite how it all happened, and after many months, no doubt (that I’m exaggerating), I logged on to that forsaken Y! Chat room. Soon enough, someone sent forth a message, and we initiated conversation. He started out with “How are you” which struck a chord with me, as it was quite a welcome relief from the mundane “asl”. In retrospection, I would’ve preferred if he had opened conversation with the latter.

The fellow, with an American name, was an NRI living in the US, and in India on some work for the next 2 years. Going by my (physical) attraction towards Caucasians, we spoke for about an hour, about his work, travel and so on. He kept asking me my name and so on; I kept averting.

Hours went by. I made soup, coffee. Everything I could to keep myself awake to study. Only, I didn’t study all that much. Each time I said I had to go, he would say “Only 10 more minutes”.

He spoke noble, of wanting a good “Indian” friend. I kept telling him that I was suspicious. He kept asking me why.

The third time I voiced my doubts over his intentions, he asked me why I kept saying that. I told him that I considered the Online Gay community, on chat rooms et all, very shady and doubt-worthy.

It was then that he asked me why I kept “speaking about the gay community lol”. I very promptly told him that it was because I was gay and so was he. To which he responded that he wasn’t.

I was only about to lecture him over being in denial and things of that sort, when it dawned upon me.

“Errr… you mayn’t like to hear this, but the chat room you were in is a Gay chat room.”

Following that revelation, one would’ve thought that he’d grab his bag and run like wildfire. Did he? No, not him! He kept me there for another 10 minutes, arguing that I couldn’t be “gay” and had to be a “gurl”. That’s a totally new level of being in denial, if you ask me!

Eventually, I had to sign off and leave him gaping.

It was 3.32 am and I felt absolutely horrid. To compensate for the loss of sleep, I had to sacrifice 3 hours of precious study in the afternoon, yesterday.

As far as academics are concerned, I’ve never known anyone more suicidal than I. Yet, I never learn.

PG – Shalom

22 Jul

So last I head, FlyGye’s Beloved had identified another accommodation closer to his campus, and should be moving out of home in a week. I never really got to say Goodbye to him, but I don’t really regret it. So he was somewhat cute and smart. He was also two years younger and used to Sniff as loud as a tractor. So even if he offered himself to me on a silver plate, I doubt I would’ve taken him. Okay, I would’ve taken him but I doubt that I would’ve kept him. Yes, that’s the final word. Then, he was quiet and reserved, didn’t make delightful conversation, did not laugh loudly and often enough at my jokes. It would take more than brain mapping to figure out what’s going on his head.

And yes, I’ve seen better.

Anyway, back in college and very neutral about it. I left a lot of my holiday chores unattended throughout the vacation which I shall have to revert to. There hasn’t been any jump in freedom as such, but oh well. The faculty this semester is rather horrid! How am I going to use my free time? Nothing planned. Made up with KT, at least temporarily. PK and I had lunch on the same table today without even looking at each other. Again, I’m not too affected.

On my way back from class, I encountered about 20 oversize people, so I decided to take my roomie up on the jogging invitation so that’s where I’m headed now. More later. Cheers!

PG – Lights, Camera… Action!

17 Jul

Today, he saw quite a showdown… the grim reality of my family.

It all started like this. Mom wanted to watch that new flick, “Jaane Tu… Ya Jane Na”. I agreed to go with her, only to be the dutiful son. After numerous delays, Pop called in the evening to confirm that we’d go tonight. Towards the end of the conversation, he asked “What about the boy? Ask him if he wants to come…”

I sharply told him, “Father, he’s not your guest! He’s a paying guest. It’s very unnecessary!”
After a few exchanges, he said, “Yes, you’re right. I don’t have to look out for him.” Indeed, he didn’t. I mean, there is a line that you draw, right? If tomorrow they had 2 PG’s over instead of just one, would they take all 2 with them each time they went out for a film? It was totally uncalled for… and very typical of him to want to do something of the sort.

He bought the PG a ticket. Do not ask me why!

Though I wasn’t bothered, and I don’t feel threatened or anything (really!) I really find it most silly. On one hand, mom complains that his living expenditure is likely to exceed the rent, and hence controls his usage of AC and tells him off when he wastes electricity (which he does incessantly, so I don’t blame her.) On the other hand, we’re taking him to movies and buying him popcorn! It’s most bizarre!

Anyhow, since father purchased his ticket without asking him, he was forced to come. Not one to enjoy most of Bollywood, he clearly disliked the experience. But he was most amused, surely, with the bickering and quarrels between Mom, Dad and me, on the way to the theatre. We are a most unconventional and argumentative lot. When the sister is present, it gets far worse! Anyhow, that’s another story.

So we sat through the film with him sniffing away a dime a dozen, next to me. The guy sniffs so loudly, Japan is disturbed. It’s not so much a sniff as a snort. Dad does it too, and it’s most bothersome! And highly unbecoming of an 18-year old. And the guy is too much of an introvert… hardly speaks at all!

Coming to the film, I must say Irfan Khan is a hottie! The character he played was so gay! The film was another case of closet-homosexual-forced-into-heterosexuality… No, really! Peace-loving, friendly, gentle, kind-hearted. In other words, gay, gay, gay! I wanted to make public this thought on our way home, but I may leave my family a tad too suspicious. And I could not phrase the thought while making Irfan’s (character’s) possible homosexuality sound positive or netural…so I dropped the thought. A secret part of me was wishing that by the end of the film, his character would’ve remained single. That would’ve pretty much substantiated my belief, and I could’ve talked openly about it. But was not to be 😦

Besides, there were no gay characters in the film!

Hmm… Indian cinema still has a little further to go!