Tag Archives: Heterosexuals!

OUTED to the flatmate!!!

8 May

I don’t believe I left my laptop unlocked!!! And the dear flat-mate, the one closest to the sister, used it. And accessed premierleague.com… Know how as soon as you start typing a URL, suggestions start popping up? And that planetromeo.com is a site frequently visited by me???

I’m surprisingly not very freaked out. Especially with a move pending, and my sister having become my imminent flatmate, I’ll have to come out to her anyway…

But I cannot IMAGINE how freaked out I would’ve been 2 years ago about this!

Frustrating conversations…

6 May

As I write this, one of my flat-mates is sitting opposite me along with his brother, who has been staying with us as a guest for well over a month now, and has absolutely hijacked my kitchen. [I hate it when guests overstay their invitation, and take advantage of my hospitality even once I’ve withdrawn it.]
They are both talking intermittently in their mother-tongue. [I consider it very frustrating when people around me talk in a language I do not understand.]
They are talking about cricket. [Again, I consider it very frustrating when people around me talk in a language I do not understand.]
They are discussing IPL vs. International Cricket. [If there’s one thing I find more frustrating than cricket conversations, it would be cricket conversations that are so old and so stale that even I would have an opinion on it…]

CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR WANTING TO SLAP THEM VERY, VERY MUCH???

I HATE STRAIGHT MEN!

20 Mar

Okay, maybe just most of them.
WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOU AND SPORTS????

Okay then, maybe just my flat-mates.

I mean, like HELLO! The loser goes and buys TataSky JUST so that he can perpetually have the option to choose between 7 sports channels??!! 7 friggin’ channels, ALL SPORTS! WHAT a disastrous waste of money, bearing in mind that you were getting free goddamn cable with most sports channels anyway!
I mean REALLY! If it’s not a 30-year old Cricket Match they’re watching, it’s some random football one. They even stoop to the level of watching hockey!!! And in no way on earth will they actually watch something remotely interesting like wrestling or tennis! And who the hell even needs to watch the news to know what’s going on in the rest of the world outside of cricket and football stadiums??

And is it really that goddamn necessary to watch ANY sports that’s being screened? Like HELLOOOOOOO, do you even KNOW who’s playing? Have you ever heard of the teams? Are you learning anything from what you’re watching? Are you getting paid to watch every damn sports match that is screened between 8 a.m. and 1 a.m. every goddamn day????????

Gawd, if there was ONE day in my lifetime (but preferably now) when I could do simply anything I wanted and get away with it, I’d want to take a huge bamboo stick and whip the sorry ass of my flatmates while they were watching sports, and watch them scream in pain and cry and beg for forgiveness and promise that they’ll never ever watch ONE more fuckin’ cricket match again…

AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

Sexually Confused

15 Jan

Right, so sometimes I tell myself that I’m really missing out big time by not having a circle, or even just a few gay friends to hang out with all the time and completely be open and myself, check out guys in public (though that’s DAMN hard in B’lore 😦 ) and so on and so forth…

Yet, all day today, I spent with a (homophobic) college friend and some other seniors (who I’ve never met before), went lunching, afternoon wine-drinking, dining with them, wrapped up the evening with a chick from school, and had a good day-off! (Happy Makar Sakranti, folks 🙂 )
So if I can have such a good time with straight folks (not being myself), how much am I missing out really?

Maybe I’m deceiving myself. Maybe I just enjoyed making attempts to and succeeding in “fitting in” and feeling proud of myself for it, and THAT made my day. SO confused!

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m too short on time for not being able to hang out with gay friends and straight friends alike. Just the way I felt that I was too short on time to not be able to graduate in 3-4 disciplines 🙂

Yes folks, Unsung wants EVERYTHING in life, no matter what!

Anyway, work tomorrow (and weekend after!)

Gnight!

“I don’t sleep with women, btw”

8 Jan

So Hagatha wrote on chat this morning, “When do you plan to start coming out to people?” and proceeded with a long lecture about how my friends “deserve to know”. I don’t want to get into the details of the chat, vague and inconclusive as they were, but her concern certainly stayed on my mind into the evening when I was meeting an old friend from school.

This friend is rather different from the normal lot. She was always tremendously fond of me, to the extent of having a crush on me for several months in the first year of our friendship (which she didn’t confess to then) and seemingly very close to me. Till today, she insists on describing the tiniest detail of her sexual needs, wants and practices even though we meet once in a year! And she always pesters me to reveal mine, in as much detail as I can manage beyond the state of blushing a crimson red.
So after so many years of describing my “sex life” in gender-neutral comments, and after failed attempts in answering her questions about sexual norms and practices of heterosexual couples, I decided to break it to her.

Me : Errr… do you smoke?
She : OMG I do! That’s the best question you’ve asked me all day!
Me : Okay, cool. (I’m sure I can do this better with a cigarette in my hand…)
<We get cigs, find a nice corner where there’s a spot of privacy>
Me : I have a secret to tell you… One that I’ve only told 3 other people, and you cannot tell anyone…
She : Haan haan, tell me… Achha vaise, this place has awesome sheesha… You want to do Sheesha?
Me : (Okay, I just told her I want to tell her a secret, goddamit! Where is her attention!) No, I don’t want to do Sheesha…
She : Okay, you were going to tell me a secret… What is it?
Me : I don’t believe you actually interrupted me on that! [So there I stood, smoking in as gay a fashion as I could, hoping it would be enough of a clue for her… But I had hoped for too much…]
She : Okay, now tell me…
Me : I don’t sleep with women.
She : [Visibly confused] Ohh… errr… huh?
Me : I     don’t     sleep     with     women.
She : [Giggles] So what, you sleep with men?
Me : Yes, I do…
She : [In surprise] What??? [Dropping to a whisper] You’re gay?
Me : Yes.
She : You’re gay?
Me : Yes!
She : Seriously??
Me : YES!

Then, she proceeded to hug me in joy as if I’d told her I was pregnant. What followed was a few hours of an educational seminar on homosexuality (She thought it was something people “became” over time, and could get out of. And she thought gay marriage had become legal recently. And that since there were so many homeless kids in India, it would be easy for a gay couple to adopt one.)
Also, she made me describe homosexual sex to her in vivid detail (since her queries about heterosexual sex, prior to my revelation had, much to her surprise, resolved very few of her doubts… I am SO clueless about orgasms and g-spots in women! Girls, fill me up please!) and found it less disgusting than I do, though that’s not saying much.

So that’s 4 in all now. And this one I told in person! A milestone, if you ask me!

You know you’re gay when…

3 Jan

a working professional who is describing the casual work atmosphere at his office says, “People come to work in shorts all the time… Some even come in tracks…”
to which you, upon misinterpreting, remark “People come to office in DRAG???
“What?? No… tracks!
“Oh, right! :$”

If that doesn’t tell, what does!

“Thought I’d let you know… you’re out.”

2 Jan

So Hagatha called me this morning.

Hagatha : I have something to tell you
Me : Haan haan, go on…
Hagatha : You have some time to spare? It’ll take a while…
Me : Ya re, go ahead… Tons of time…
Hagatha : Arre no, we’ll talk later… You wake up and all, first.
Hagatha : Been awake for a while, not to worry. What’s up?
Hagatha : I told Amit about you.
Me : Oh, okay… Cool… thanks!
Hagatha : I hope you’re not mad… I felt bad telling him without asking you first
Me : I have no issues at all re… Had to tell him some time or the other. You just made it easier for me. Besides, I’m sure he knew it at some level. It was probably the last piece in the jigsaw.
Hagatha : Yes, exactly. He didn’t react very negatively or anything… He sort of guessed it, and I just said yes. He asked me how I knew, and how long I’d known and who all knew… and if you had told your parents. And he was very worried that you hadn’t. That you shouldn’t leave them in the dark like this. That it was better to drop the bomb sooner. I told him you wanted to keep it to yourself till I was independent and “had a boyfriend” (Sigh! The old me….)
Me : So when did you tell him?
Hagatha : October End
Me : Whhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttt??????? I was with him for 2 friggin’ months during which he’d known and I had no idea???
Hagatha : Umm… yes… In fact, when you told him that you were spending New Years with school friends, he was confused and remarked “But he said he wasn’t really close to any of his school friends” and I just said “Ummm… I don’t quite think he’s partying with his school friends!” and he understood.

The delightful individual that he is, he chose not to make anything awkward for me over the past 2 months while I was in the dark about him not being in the dark anymore, but instead decided to make up for it by calling me up today, probably after she informed him of our conversation.

Amit : Haan, kya kar raha hai?
Then I engaged in very random, trivial conversation, not really letting him speak since I knew the point of his call, and found that to be awkward.
Amit : So how was your New Year’s Party? With your “school friends”?
Me : I don’t remember too much. Good, I guess. I was really drunk and slept through an hour of it, I was told the next day.
Amit : So had a good time with your “school friends”, eh?  Met anyone interesting?
Me : Errr… no.
Amit : Achha, just wanted to tell you… No awkwardness from my side.
Me : Haan re, I know…

And then thankfully, we hung up!
Right, so that officially makes him the first guy friend I’m out to. Unless of course some of the others know as well, and someone else needs to out that fact to me. Hmph!