Tag Archives: Dream

Unconscious Visitor

2 Feb

Tell me, why you followed me… Deep into the night?
Is it because I think of you, every time I’m left aside?
It isn’t really you, but what you could symbolize.
Yet, each time you cross my mind, that fact I fail to recognize.
Why did you follow me, into the night?
Though it was in light of day, underneath the orange sky.
You sat before me, but I pretended…
as you would have, in real life.
Then you noticed and you smiled,
Or was that just a wishful sigh?
Did you rise and walk towards me?
Or sat in place, and waved aside?
Tell me why you followed me
Into my dreams, into the night
Undesired, uninvited
Till came along the morning light?

A happy gay family!

16 May

So when I woke up this morning post dreams of performing “experimental tasks” on insects for some project of which an aunt was the “Chief Security Officer” and another uncle was the Head, I thought I’d had the strangest night’s sleep.

That’s before I sat down with my mom, who was telling my aunt of her dream last night…

She starts it with the prologue, in which she tells us about this man who used to work at a bank where we had some accounts. He had long hair which he used to tie in a ponytail (that I clearly remember) and do his eyebrows with a pencil (that I do not recall). As my mom nicely summarised it, everyone knew he was “a gay” (Gahh!!) and I thought of protesting at the stereotype, but I liked where the story was going and did not want to interrupt.

So then she continues about how she dreams of my father (Yes! My father!!) growing his hair really long, similar to that of the gentleman who worked at the bank. And when my mom asked him (in the dream) of why he was doing so, he remarks “Every one knows you’re a “bin”. [At this point, I have to interrupt her and ask her what she means by a “bin” where she casually fills in saying “lesbian”. People, is this true and valid? How come I never knew about it?]
She summarises the dream with my father telling her that the man from the bank is coming upstairs to live with him.

As a closing comment, she swears she’d be best of not telling dad about this dream, because he’s sure to grow his hair long just to annoy her (Oh, and I so love him for being as jovial as that, even though it gets annoying at times).


Conversations, Revelations, Premonitions

24 Aug

So I was walking into the hostel gates this evening when this classmate, who’s blended beautifully into the background for the past 2 years in class, was passing before me. We occasionally have 2 minute chats if we’re ever walking down the same corridor at the same time, but that’s happened about twice in the 2 years. Usual pleasantries, nothing much.

Today, however, the stars were conspiring. As he passed before me, I stopped him to ask him about a seminar that he’d attended. I didn’t stop him because he’s pretty darn cute, but because I had a genuine interest in hearing about the seminar. And lo behold…

Books, Literature, Movies, Careers, High School, Parenting, Girls (puke!), Booze, Weed, Gym…

45 minutes must’ve gone by without noticing. Well, I did notice, because I was running late for the gym. But I stood there in the corridor, with this dude, making pleasant conversation for 45 whole minutes!
My enthusiasm dropped 5 counts when I heard that he’d dated women until very recently. But the conversation just kept on going, even when on two occasions, I mentioned that I should be heading off!

Funniest is that the guy is extremely withdrawn, not very warm or animated. Yet, he kept talking and I kept talking. We kept talking about ourselves, and it didn’t even get competitive!

It was one of the highlights of the day, along with some others. Another was that I finally discovered the identity of this dude I’d met on a gay networking site, who is a college senior. The dude knew my identity but never told me his own. We eventually stopped talking until I remembered him the other day. So I traced his profile online, and discovered that he relocated to the USA. One short query to Tanuja and instantly, I knew his name! Hurray, a long-standing mystery solved!!

These highlights were quite essential after a horrid night’s sleep. I was trapped in this horrid dream in which I was at a family function and all of my relatives there were outright ignoring me. I figure it was because of the recent spat over email with Pop, to which the cousin reacted. Nonetheless, I wasn’t too bothered about it, in my dream. What I was bothered about were my nephews and neice! Those little toddlers that I dote on, and who, I confess, are fond of me as well! They had been turned against me, at their age! In my dream, I believed that my cousin sister was behind it! Yikes! So I don’t mind breaking away from the family at large, and may have to one day, but saying goodbye to those kiddos is too big a price to pay for being slightly rude to Pop…
I hope it’s not a warning of any kind!

Oh, this has to be one of my best blog titles ever!

Thoughts that make you *Shudder*

12 Aug

I hop into the car with Mom and Dad, and we go off for a film. All the while, I’m wishing I had a huge, furry dog to give me company in the back.
We’re early for the film, so we stop at my uncle’s to see him. I step off the car, and notice that we’re in possibly a colony as posh as Beverly Hills. Then I look down and I’m wearing those white, fluffy bathroom slippers that they provide  in hotel rooms, which are carrying excessive mud stains.
I start screaming at my folks that they never told me we were dropping in at such a neighbourhood, and that there was NO way I could move around in those slippers!

Ironically, an aunt lives there, and I’m hoping I can borrow some footwear, ANY footwear from her home. I enter to discover that my cousin has bought yet another dog. For some reason, this one talks . In a strong punjabi accent!

We fast forward to home. My contacts lenses are getting extremely uncomfortable, and I take them out, only to discover that one of them has stretched about 3 inches either side. It confuses me as it was the normal size when I popped it on. I remove the other as well. They’re both dry, and they’ve become extremely hard! I can’t even bend them!

I run to mom to show them to her. Secretly, I’m pleased that it’s time to change them, and I can get coloured ones already. She tells me I’ve not been taking good care of them, that I used them too long and so on and so forth.

I realize that my face is feeling slightly awkward. I come back to my room, and realize that my mouth is getting all stuffy and swollen. I can’t close it! Some teeth are sticking out, in the front! I go screaming back to Mom. She says “Ufff, don’t disturb me.” I whine a little more, in extreme panic mode, and she drops her work and consents to taking me to a doctor. I’m looking (rather, feeling) absolutely hideous at the moment. I’ve never had allergic reactions before.

We step out, head towards the car. Dad’s standing there with some friends, including an ex-neighbour. Mom starts socializing with them. I’ve covered my mouth with my hand, and darent’ lower it or try and talk to them. I whisper to Mom to “make my apologies to them”. She doesn’t utter a thing!

Meanwhile, one of them says hullo to me, and cannot imagine why I’m not responding. I’m furious at mom for not telling them of my condition, and for just standing there!

That’s enough trauma for me! I force myself awake, and end the bloody afternoon nap right there…

And now I’m wondering why exactly I could remember the excruiciating details still!

My Very Own Step-Mom Moment

11 Jul

So we were in one of our regular arguments, yesterday and suddenly Maa absolutely shocked me when, in a very non-chalant tone, she admitted…

“Well, I didn’t have any problem accepting you as my own child, when I got married to your father.”

There were several reasons why I thought that was peculiar.

  1. So she didn’t have any trouble accepting me as her own child, which implied that I was an offspring from my father’s earlier marriage. But there was no mention of her coming to terms with accepting my elder sister as her own child. Implying that my elder sister was her own child, meaning that my folks had her well before they got married and well before my dad and his earlier wife conceived me. Which would make my dad a pretty rotten man.
  2. She qouted my biological mother’s name as “Sukhan Lata” or something like that. As far as I know him, my dad would never marry a woman who was called “Sukhan Lata” (in the late 20th century) and I too would refuse to be born to a woman by that name.
  3. After the sensational proclamation, she went on to say something about being so accepting that she went on to have a third child with him, and avoided having a fourth out of financial considerations. Now in my 21 years of survival, I haven’t known a second sibling. So any talk of avoiding bearing a fourth child (for whatever reason) in the absence of a third would mean that either both my parents were mathematically impaired or that I was in some very ludicrous dream.

I decided it was the latter so I began attempting to break out of that environment into a more realistic one. I wasn’t successful, so I resigned myself to the fact that my beloved mother was a step mother, that I was born out of wed-lock and that I had a second sibling that I cannot see, and a fourth wasn’t born because of the invisible third.

Soon enough though, I did awake and was thankful to realise none of it was true. Phew!

When dreams are unreal

17 Feb

Right, so last night, I dreamed that I was in Delhi, staying at a Hotel somewhere near Defence Colony in New Delhi. Why would I stay at a hotel, when I have a home in Delhi? Good question! I have no answer.

I was with Maa, and I dragged her out to a huge open Drain that passes nearby, just to show it to her, because I wanted her to experience New Delhi, the city in which I grew up and so on and so forth.
Why would I have to show Maa New Delhi??!! She’s only lived in it for 5 more years than I have, and many more adult years than that!

Later in the dream, at which time I was standing in my folks’ bedroom in my own house in Delhi, and not a godforsaken hotel, Mom had asked me to accompany her to a Keertan or some religious occasion of the kind, which I declined stating my atheist beliefs. In real, she doesn’t respond really. At the worst, she would say “This is not how I brought you up” and I would reply that she did indeed not, and that she did her job; and that I was an adult now and had to make these decisions myself. But in the dream, she started screaming really really loudly at me, and I was screaming back about religious fanaticism, and about how I’d been talking about embracing atheism all along, which she would’ve known sooner had she paid attention and not dismissed it as immature talk.
I do believe that neither of my parents think that I actually intend to remain an atheist, and that it’s not a “passing phase”. Or maybe they do understand and consider it as my own personal choice, that only I have a right to make… Ha, fat chance!
Either way, they’ll get a jolt in a few years, and maybe then, mom will scream really really loudly as she did in my dream. And I would shout back.

Hats and Barkhas

12 Feb

So I had this really awkward dream last night.
In that dream, I was visiting some college for an event or a conference or something of the sort. I walked into a room, and lo behold, before me was talking on the phone, before my very eyes, none other than the magnanimous Barkha Dutt!

To the very detail, I recall pretending to faint on seeing her, just to flatter her. Coupled with falling on the floor… the entire do. Soon after, I was on my feet and expressing my admiration of her work “even though I haven’t seen you on the telly for quite some time now.” And I told her about how, on a recording of WeThePeople that I’d gone for (in real), she was asking around for comments during a commercial break, and when I managed to attract her attention and was addressing her, she kept her hand on my shoulder while listening to what I had to say (again, in real). And how I never wanted to wash that shoulder ever again.

At the same time, I recalled that Chandni and her Boy, along with some others, had been complaining about NDTV coverage being irresponsible and intrusive. And I mentioned it to her, in brief, because it’s hard to concentrate on details in dreams.
While she was offering an explanation, my mind happened to drift off to a shelf behind her. Lo behold, on the shelf were not 1, not 2, but 4-5 cowboy hats, my fetish-since-eternity! In different makes, designs and colours too! I recall there was at least one in tan and another in greyish black.

And while Barkha was explaining to me why her work was not irresponsible, I simply walked past her and started admiring the hats. At that exact point in time, I was under the impression that I was in my own home, that these hats had been around under my roof, and that I hadn’t known till then.

Dreams are soo abstract. Especially, locations, people and events.

I don’t think I got to try on any of the hats. I was awake soon after. And no, I didn’t manage to catch Barkha’s defence either.
Quite a waste of a marvellous dream, if you ask me.

The Ring, the (stupid) conclusion never-seen before!

23 Dec

So I had the funniest dream just before waking up, a rather dramatic one. The kind horror movie spoofs are made of.


I believe I only caught the dramatic conclusion to an episode that had already played itself out. At the helm was this real-life witch, probably this one, appeared to be spiritual guide to a little girl, probably one that had seen the video tape we all fondly remember from The Ring, and the witch seemed to have her own ideas of how to cure the little girl.

At the point of climax, everyone was in a dark room where a party seemed to be underway, with plenty of guests. The entire atmosphere was rather spooky and mysterious, with dark tapestries hanging from the walls. Very Harry Potter-ish. And there was a piano with gigantic keys on one side.
Suddenly, she started playing the piano, but no sound emanated from it. She, however, had a look of rejoice on her face and said “Doesn’t it sound beautiful?” and all the guests laughed at her.
Suddenly there was a white light and these mysterious figures seemed to be shooting out of a wall or a mirror or something, and colliding and becoming one with the girl. Which apparently seemed to cure her.

On the flipside, it turns out that the girl, though I could only catch glimpses of them, became evil and started killing other people. Almost as if the evil girl from the videotape had now possessed her. Except that it seemed she was slaughtering only people who had done evil. All through this, she had a (boy)friend [they were both quite young] who was assisting her all through. Eventually, girl ended up killing the boy, a scene that I didn’t witness but heard from a voice-over. And the dream ended right there.

Yes, I get it. I’m crazy.

When you sleep far too much…

10 Sep

I’ve been known to be sleep-deficient, but renouncing all extra-curricular activities for an entire semester leaves a person with a lot of free time, apparently. Even if he utilises one hour each day to go to the gym.

Yesterday, I returned to my room at 6 in the evening, after bunking gym and gorging on chaat as a contorted compensation. After spending endless amount of time doing pretty much nothing constructive, and having 2 Alu Paranthas for dinner to reward myself for limited physical activity through the day coupled with a hogging session, I dozed off at two minutes to ten.
Yes! At 9.58 for Christ’s Sake!

What happens when you sleep for far too many hours? You dream far too much. Who do you dream about? You dream about the people who belong to the environment you spend a lot of time in. I spend a lot of time in Blogger’s Block.

Thus, to begin with, I had a very extended dream about Shan. Shan, it seems, had killed someone by accident. A little girl, if I’m not wrong. As a consequence, the entire law-enforcement force was after him, and he was in hiding.
Maybe it was one of those dreams which will come true some day; and then Shan will come to Unsung Psalm, begging for forgiveness for his supercilious behaviour, and Unsung will simply stand tall and laugh. Ha Ha Ha!
I said maybe!

Afterwards, I was in a crowded area of some kind, and I saw a face in the crowd that was vaguely familiar. For a moment I thought it was possibly Maddy. Maybe in that sequence, I was on my way to meet Maddy. A moment after I saw him, he vanished. I was looking around, and then he came up to me and said, “So we finally meet.”
The first thought that crossed my mind was that he was quite short. When I say quite short, I mean just about my height, and I was under the impression that his profile on a certain “website” listed it as 5″9′. I thought to myself, “Oh, so that’s what people mean when they say most guys lie about there size on networking sites.”
That’s all I dreamed about him really. I wish there could’ve been more. I’m struggling to squeeze out a week to go home around Diwali to actually make it(the meet) materialise. *Fingers crossed that all goes okay until then*

My mother is very worried about her dreams off-late. On one hand, she had a dream in which she saw me highly drunk. So she’s under the impression that I’m drinking far too much. (Which is true.)
In others, she perceives my sister to be very troubled in her relationship. My sister isn’t really close to any of her immediate family, so doesn’t like to speak about her boyfriend at all. Maa communicated her reservations to me when I met her in Bangaylore and I told her I’d try to figure it into conversation with my sister; which would be hard because she’s not very close and doesn’t like speaking to me about him either.

Yesterday, as she was gearing to leave home for dinner with friends, I buzzed her on Gtalk, telling her that I needed to speak with her about something important, and that I would later. Her exact words went, “What is it?” “Tell me” “Do you need money?” (to which I responded in negative. I would never turn to her for money!) “Are you gay?” (If she’s so convinced already, why would she ask?)
Mind, the above came out before I could even utter a second word!

Then she started calling me on the phone, but I wouldn’t accept it, saying I wanted to speak on Gtalk. If I were to talk to her directly about it, she would only scream at me to “Shut up and mind my own business” and how “mom is stupid. Tell her not to worry” and so on and so forth.

I have a weird sort of family. That is why I don’t really blame myself for being queer.

Only an Illusion

4 Jul

Two nights ago, I had a dream. I was somewhere abroad, in Denmark perhaps. In my dream, I was in Shan’s apartment, alone with him.

Shan is a friend I met online and have been in touch with for many months. Well, many months barring the last one. My first mentions of him go back to the “French Conquests” posts, right when I started the blog.

We had a bit of a fallout some time ago, and neither has resumed normal conversation since. I feel horrid that I haven’t. He was supposed to come into town on the same day as I was leaving for where I am now, so we were supposed to miss each other. As things would have it, my course was delayed by 5 days, which gave us ample time to meet, but we weren’t on the best terms. I did let him know that I was still in town, on an occasion that he initiated conversation from his home, but things did not pick up to the extent that we could cement another meet. I regret it now, knowing that he probably won’t be in town again till at least the end of the year. Shan is a gem of a person, but he’s not what I’d call perfect. I don’t make the best conversation with him, in spite of all my efforts, even though he’s calling me over ISD. We don’t seem to want the same things in life. He doesn’t seem half as interested to take care of his looks a bit, even for me.

Anyhow, returning to the dream… I was with him, in Denmark, which is where he was living. He doesn’t live in Denmark, but such facts in my dreams are skewed.

I sat in his apartment, and he lay with his head on my lap. In the dream, he looked young and energetic, remotely similar to his actual appearance. I said to him, “You know, you don’t look half that bad right now! You’re not photographed right! Let me take a picture of you…”

I then proceeded to click him with my phone, as he just smiled back. Really, he had the cutest features in that dream. Before I could click, I awoke. Even if I had succeeded, I scarcely believe I would’ve found the pic in my phone once I was awake.

I cannot recall the significance of the dream. It seems to have clear lessons to teach, or revelations to make, but none appear out of the ordinary; nothing is blatantly clear.

All I wish for is that I was in Denmark with Shan, his head on my lap, looking up at me. And of course, that he looked as cute as he did in my dream 🙂



5 substantial posts (and 1 tribute-of-sorts) in a 24-hour period. I wonder if I’m eligible for an award. An award not for insanity or compulsive disorder, that is!