Departure…

this could POSSIBLY be the last time I’m coming here, though I truly hope it isn’t.

But what is it about this town that makes me have such bittersweet emotions about it? The same old streets, the same old eateries… The same roads to walk on, the same hangout points… How much am I attached to it really? What makes me think about it so?

Is it because I invested 4 of what were supposed to be the best years of my life into it? My youth? My prime?

Except that it wasn’t my youth, my prime. 4 forgettable years that I don’t want to forget.

What do I hold against this place? That I had to attend lectures? No. That I was always so confused about who my friends were? No. That I had nobody special? Maybe. No sex? Possibly, though I wish it weren’t. (Not like I’m doing anything about it now.) That subsequent batches of students, with their youth, enthusiasm and innocence make me feel old and forgotten? Possibly.

I look at the people here and I pity those who remained for the last six months, in the prime of idle-ness.

Why do I feel like I just “existed” here, and accomplished little? Why do I feel that I’ve been cheated? Why do I feel like I have failed to capitalize on what this land of zero-opportunity had to offer?

Why do I wish I could have the last 4 years of my life back, when I possibly cannot think of anything better to do with them?

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Flying HIGH

So I believe the last 2 updates I made to the blog from my phone didn’t take. Tragic, ain’t it?
One was a long, sob story of how I yearn for someone I can call anytime and blah blah, or stop yearning altogether.
So you’re probably glad that didn’t get published.

(EDIT: Found it in my drafts, and published it. Sowie, your bad luck!)

The second on the other hand was a FUN incident.
So I’m really high, and at our favourite hang-out place here in my college town. (Did I mention I was coming back here? The last time ever as a student of this university… Bitter-sweet feelings about that…) Most of the evening is over, I’ve made every chick I know here kiss me numerous times on the cheek (to make all the other guys burn in envy, or something to that effect. Or maybe I just like kisses on the cheeks, and it would be inappropriate to ask any guys… And none of the guys I know here well enough are desirable anyway!). Soon enough, I can barely walk straight, totter back into the darkness of the pub, to our table where one of the next hag-designates is sitting, bend over to her, and murmur ‘kissy’ into her ear for the 6th time that evening! And she does comply, but her performance is not at all satisfactory. So I demand it be done properly. And she does, and this time it’s good enough. What isn’t good enough is that once I have tottered back out of the pub, I find the hag-designate standing in front of me. Super-woman? Woman with apparation abilities? Not quite! Hag-designate had moved out quite some time ago and I had demanded a ‘Kissy’ of a random acquaintance from back in first year!!!
I head back in and apologize profusely, and she keeps laughing and saying that it’s okay. (To be fair, I always did think she had a serious crush on me, what with our once-a-semester chats in which she was always so giggly)

Hence, no prospective harassment case against me, thankfully.

But soon enough, everyone gets to know of the embarrassing incident.

Because I told them.

In great, animated detail.

Including Tanuja in Singapore.

At Rs. 12.50 per minute.

I REALLY need a detox from all this alcohol!

Happy smokin’ 22

So the birthday kicked off with me arriving at the Univ. town at 6 friggin’ 30 a.m. Back in the day when I really needed to reach in time for my 8’o’clock class post a trip, the bus would never deliver me there at a decent hour, but when I could afford to reach in comfort, then they insisted on having us there at the ghastly hour.

Not much time was to be wasted when my hosts, Pankaj and his flatmate, were up. The flat-mate made a quick joint in a bong, made me puff the whole thing, and they dragged me off to college.
Here’s something about vveed. You may have been more or less unaffected by it on several occasions prior to this, but when you do it early in the morning before eating a morsel, it really hits you. Especially if it’s your birthday and you’re going to be expecting a million calls.

The sensation was truly insane and completely unreal! For a while, I could only speak single syllables, all colours were very pronounced… and the strangest of all… everyone I saw, everything I saw, seemed like a flashback in front of my eyes. I may have been looking at someone for the first time, but somehow his face would melt and some face from childhood would take its place. Each car that I saw would cease to be the one it was, and instead, adopt a camouflage of the green Maruti 800 we used to own. Later on, my aunt called to wish me. I don’t know how many years it has been since she called to wish me. She used to call when I was still young, and though I don’t remember a moment of this conversation, I recall how it struck me then that the exchange of pleasantries sounded exactly as it used to, all those years ago.

The high wore out by afternoon. Then I was made to smoke up again.

The rest of the trip was extremely pleasant and memorable! Leaving the town has done me good, since I can absolutely adore it to no end on returning there for a short while.

The icing on the cake was that my male-hag (don’t remember what I call him here) got placed! He’ll probably be moving to Bangalore too, so now I have a prospective flat-mate and my social life is salvaged! Hip hip hurray!

It was brilliant being back there, to the extent that I simply cannot wait to return 🙂

Back to the Basics

Thus, I embark on a bus ride back to my University Town, the place where a significant phase of my life started… and ended. There were memorable moments and miserable ones, and I’m quite at loss over how happy or not I am about heading back, even if for 2 brief days. But how much does it matter really?
Either way, I’m going to have two very memorable days, or the realization of just how happy I am to have started this new phase of my life…

“Thought I’d let you know… you’re out.”

So Hagatha called me this morning.

Hagatha : I have something to tell you
Me : Haan haan, go on…
Hagatha : You have some time to spare? It’ll take a while…
Me : Ya re, go ahead… Tons of time…
Hagatha : Arre no, we’ll talk later… You wake up and all, first.
Hagatha : Been awake for a while, not to worry. What’s up?
Hagatha : I told Amit about you.
Me : Oh, okay… Cool… thanks!
Hagatha : I hope you’re not mad… I felt bad telling him without asking you first
Me : I have no issues at all re… Had to tell him some time or the other. You just made it easier for me. Besides, I’m sure he knew it at some level. It was probably the last piece in the jigsaw.
Hagatha : Yes, exactly. He didn’t react very negatively or anything… He sort of guessed it, and I just said yes. He asked me how I knew, and how long I’d known and who all knew… and if you had told your parents. And he was very worried that you hadn’t. That you shouldn’t leave them in the dark like this. That it was better to drop the bomb sooner. I told him you wanted to keep it to yourself till I was independent and “had a boyfriend” (Sigh! The old me….)
Me : So when did you tell him?
Hagatha : October End
Me : Whhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttt??????? I was with him for 2 friggin’ months during which he’d known and I had no idea???
Hagatha : Umm… yes… In fact, when you told him that you were spending New Years with school friends, he was confused and remarked “But he said he wasn’t really close to any of his school friends” and I just said “Ummm… I don’t quite think he’s partying with his school friends!” and he understood.

The delightful individual that he is, he chose not to make anything awkward for me over the past 2 months while I was in the dark about him not being in the dark anymore, but instead decided to make up for it by calling me up today, probably after she informed him of our conversation.

Amit : Haan, kya kar raha hai?
Then I engaged in very random, trivial conversation, not really letting him speak since I knew the point of his call, and found that to be awkward.
Amit : So how was your New Year’s Party? With your “school friends”?
Me : I don’t remember too much. Good, I guess. I was really drunk and slept through an hour of it, I was told the next day.
Amit : So had a good time with your “school friends”, eh?  Met anyone interesting?
Me : Errr… no.
Amit : Achha, just wanted to tell you… No awkwardness from my side.
Me : Haan re, I know…

And then thankfully, we hung up!
Right, so that officially makes him the first guy friend I’m out to. Unless of course some of the others know as well, and someone else needs to out that fact to me. Hmph!

I wasn’t emotional when…

I packed all my belongings for one last time.
I wasn’t emotional when I discarded things that saw me through the years.
I wasn’t emotional when I bade my friends goodbye.
I wasn’t emotional when the bus pulled out and left that town behind.
I wasn’t emotional when I took my seat and looked outside.

But the tears welled up when I realized…

that I’d left my laptop bag behind.

No worries, ex-roomie found it lying where i’d left it.

I wasn’t emotional because this wasn’t goodbye.
It isn’t quite over till the fat lady sings. And I’ve not sung yet.

An interesting turn of Events…

So the French dream ended even before it had started. So what? Everything happens for a reason, right?

After all, it’s not everyday that a fellow gets recruited by the maker of your operating system!
Indeed, in about 8 months, I shall indeed be employee by Cromifost (Yes, you’re going to have to rearrange the letters, a bit 😉 )

And I thought that all I would take away from this college would be an ability to drink (a lot)! Well, even that’s going to come in handy now 😛