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Ain’t all hunky-dory in the city?

4 Mar

I’m going through Sex And The City far quicker than is for my own good… It’s so comforting… 4 very hot ladies, hooking up with fairly attractive men one after the other, never settling down, no happy ending.
It’s so comforting when it doesn’t end happily ever after. Just hope that I’m fabulous & single by the time I’m in my mid-30’s (if I’m still alive, that is)…

But no happily ever after. And it’s still television, so it isn’t real life. But it captures the reality of real life in a very artificial way. So. Bloody. Confusing.

No Baggage

31 Jul

All good things must come to an end…

Thankfully, so must the bad…

All that’s left is the fateful step. And then, letting go…

I lie here, inches away from him. In the middle of the night. Hearing his every breath. Wanting to crawl into him, where I found such bliss.
How insensitive, how robotic can one get?
Why did I paint these colorful images in my mind? Was it necessary to come all this way, to have this realization?

Should I talk to him? Should I not? Does he know? Does he care?

Will I ever find another like him, but one who cares?

Dynamic geometric shapes

1 Aug

Did I ever tell you folks about this love-something-like-a-triangle I got into some months ago, here in Bengaluru? No? Well, it went like this.

I met A and B, from the website, on one fine day. Got to know later that A and B were friends since a year, and that A used to like B at some point in time, though I don’t know if it was reciprocated.

Upon interactions with A and B, I sort of fell for A. But B had fallen for me. So there we had it. B liked me, and I liked A, and A had liked B (in the past). But A and B had a falling out, and didn’t talk anymore, so it was awkward but not so much anymore.

Over time, when A would keep telling me about this guy he was into, I’d be mildly troubled but not so much. Soon, I sort of got over him, and the feelings went away.

Recently, when I was spending time at B’s, and a bit of involuntary snooping revealed an online conversation between A and B (soon after I’d met them, before A and B had the fallout) in which it was revealed that A had liked me initially, but since I had mentioned in passing that I was selective about people I ‘did it’ with, A didn’t express his feelings to me ever. Another conversation suggested that B might’ve gotten over me somewhat, though the authenticity of the emotion expressed by B was slightly uncertain.

So now I don’t feel so strongly for A, A used to like me but may or may not anymore and B said to someone else that he got over me, but I’m not so sure about that since he claims otherwise (but might be attempting mind games with me).

Puzzling as it is, all emotions are in control hopefully, and it doesn’t matter so much anymore.


13 Apr

The more I look inside, the more I learn about myself… The more I accept myself for who I am… The sicker it drives me.

I deserve to be alone. Why subject anyone to the complexity of my nature? The self-centeredness of my thoughts? What have I to offer save for a lot of unnecessary, imagined drama?

The heart may be good, the intentions may be pure… but the mind is just sick. And it deserves to be alone. It deserves to drive itself up the wall, over the cliff, into the sea.

I am and deserve to be my own enemy. Why harm another innocent uncomplicated mind, so pointlessly?

An interesting turn of Events…

5 Dec

So the French dream ended even before it had started. So what? Everything happens for a reason, right?

After all, it’s not everyday that a fellow gets recruited by the maker of your operating system!
Indeed, in about 8 months, I shall indeed be employee by Cromifost (Yes, you’re going to have to rearrange the letters, a bit 😉 )

And I thought that all I would take away from this college would be an ability to drink (a lot)! Well, even that’s going to come in handy now 😛

The final Final Exam…

26 Nov

is over.

Almost a graduate.

One step closer. To the next phase of my life.

So much uncertainty.

Soon I shall embark on another Journey. It’s terrifying.

I’m not looking forward to it at all. This past one was a good one. I don’t want to move on.

But then, do I have a choice? Why can’t we stagnate a little longer?

Yes indeed, you certainly know…

23 Nov

… when it’s finally time to move on.

Or maybe it’s not. Maybe you’re just having a bad day.

But that’s what’s so fantastically uncertain about the future, n’est ce pas? You don’t really know until you’ve experienced change. And then, there’s no turning back.

We cannot stop time. We can only regret that it passed.
Maybe not.
But then, maybe yes.