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The Right To Choose

1 Nov

Dear Father,
Yesterday, as I sat before your siblings, constantly being insulted over and over… on the charge of having my own priorities, or for daring to speak and not just listen as I was categorically insulted in bullet points… as I sat there, in the face of your brother’s blatant, disgusting, foul hypocrisy… for not conforming to some standard template as expected of me (but surprisingly not his own children)… As you sat there witnessing all of it, and not uttering a word, who knows, maybe enjoying every minute of it, you made a choice, then and there. A choice to limit our relationship to one of cordiality.

I’m no poorer with one less aunt and uncle, but I certainly find it ironic that I’m poorer by a what could have been a strong bond with my father, of who I thought I was a carbon copy. But is now reduced by your actions, your priorities and your choices, to a mere formality.
But am I an image of you, I wonder? Would I fail to value the dignity of my wife and own children, before the ego of my siblings and their offspring? Would I turn a blind eye to the pleas of my own creation? Would I value tradition over emotion?

For all that you’ve been to me, over the years Father, none matter as much as this betrayal…

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A tragically small world

8 Oct

Purab is a good friend who I bonded with quite some time ago. I knew that Purab’s been sort of interested in me for quite some time. I was interested in him physically, but no more. That too ended after our first time. But I was pretty clear that he should not develop any feelings for me (even though matters of the heart cannot be controlled with mere instructions). Moreover, I was quite clear about my feelings towards Vikram.

Since then, it seems Purab’s managed to move on. He talks of other guys, other crushes. It also makes spending time with him less awkward, though it never was too awkward to begin with. That’s because he was the one with the feelings, and me, the one abusing them.

About two and a half weeks ago, Purab mentioned some friend at work, and how he’d thought about introducing me to that friend, since we’re apparently very suited to each other, in his opinion. However, this friend has been dating someone else for some time, so he couldn’t. He was showing me that friend’s photographs on FB, and I came across one snap of him with an old flame, which didn’t go beyond phone-dating. This friend of Purab’s, who’s very suited for me, is dating the old flame.

Two Fridays ago, I went on a date with what I literally found to be a breath of fresh air. Gagan did not appear to think differently. We spent almost every minute we could in each others’ company, before I had to rush off to work. That Sunday, I arbitrarily called him and ended up spending the night with him and another friend. Not much happened at night, because he’d recently broken up with someone, and couldn’t stop thinking of him. I literally thought I’d found a new, potentially close friend that I would come to be grateful for. Moreover, he kept mentioning how attractive he found me, and I in return, how attractive I found him.
A week later, I landed up at a party with Gagan and Purab. Both of them were supposed to come back to my place, and Gagan was supposed to bring along a (platonic) friend who’d been staying with him for the last day or so. His friend didn’t show. Instead, Gagan brought home an exotic date, who he suggested he wasn’t interested in too much, but kept making out with all night. No idea what took place in their bedroom later that night. But I doubt the ex was on his mind that much, 6 days after.

Today, Purab told me over chat that he’d been chatting up Gagan, and they’d intended to meet for dinner, and he’d intended to stay over. Shortly after, he told me that he’d seen Vikram the previous night, with (mostly insignificant) person I’d chatted briefly with online, before he did a disappearing act. Mostly asocial Vikram, who claims he never goes out on dates because it unduly raises peoples’ expectations. Maybe it wasn’t a date. I have no way of knowing.

Needless to say, I had to sleep off my depression to depressing piano pieces, followed by a short nap. Thankfully, it worked to an extent. I’m not ardently wishing for a hand-gun anymore. But I wouldn’t mind having one anyway.

Raging tempers…

8 May

So I broke off (platonic equivalent of break-up… is there a better phrase that is as compact and more established? Okay, parted ways) with old friend, Pankaj, today. This once, it was him who did the honours (block on Gtalk, delete from Facebook) and not me (and I wouldn’t succumb to those actions in this matter, which I consider trivial), and I would like to have that on record.

Anyway, it started with an argument. He read this article very fleetingly, and made an elaborate and (I feel) ill-informed opinion on it. I objected in strong words. We argued. It ended badly.

He says Kasab should’ve been shot as soon as the investigators derived from him that he had no information to offer.
[He also feels that Kasab may as well have been accommodated at the Taj, since his cost of daily up-keep would’ve probably come to the same amount of Rs. 85-lakh per day. {The figure in the news article reads Rs. 8.5 lakhs per day. As I said, he read the article in one fleeting glance. Thank you for pointing it out, Tauja!}] But I’m not saying that Rs. 8.5 lakhs is an acceptable amount either.
But that he maintains that Kasab should’ve been shot as soon as they figured out he had no more valuable information to offer, ergo without trial is worth discussing.

When celebrities or politicians are accused of any crime, and receive special treatment in their trials etc. etc. the common man is up in arms saying that they should be treated like anyone else.
So is it fair for us to deny Kasab a trial? Would that not be equivalent to denying him the rights accorded to the common man? Or should nobody be accorded a free and fair trial?
Is it healthy for us to nurture such glaring hypocrisies in our attitude? Or should we just go ahead and rewrite the constitution to accord different rights to different types of people? Or just go about making exceptions everywhere and then fighting over which exception is fair and which is not?

Are most/all of the democratic countries of the world (Please correct me if I’m wrong on this, peeps…) stupid in allowing the accused, any accused, of any crime a trial before convicting him of charges? (And the right to appeal the sentence in higher courts.) Would we be okay if tomorrow YOU weren’t allowed to appeal in a higher court? Sure, Manu Sharma would have been acquitted.
Or maybe we could just make an exception here and an exception there, and then argue over it forever?

I welcome your comments on the questions phrased above. What I do NOT welcome are comments about how the judicial system needs to be improved. Yes, the judicial system needs to be improved. The trial should’ve been completed in a matter of months and not 18. We all know that, and I’m sure we’d all agree on it too. So let’s discuss the issue that I wrote this entire post to discuss. We can discuss Judicial reforms on a later date, capisce?

Oh, and one more thing. Rs. 1,500 crore for a cricket team in a month-long intra-national cricket event. Rs. 31 crore over protecting the escape of the most dreaded criminal this country has ever set hands on, over a period of one and a half years. Am I the ONLY one who thinks the 31-crores is REALLY inconsequential here?

Driving me up the wall…

2 May

So relations with Hagatha are at quite a low… Frankly I’m losing patience…

For one thing, the girl tells me nothing about her own personal life, and on top of that, believes that she has full authority on the details of mine. Which is clearly not happening.

So having cut her out (discreetly) from one aspect of my life, I’m wondering if I’ll be able to take her at all…

The problem is that the girl is becoming blonde-r by the minute. It doesn’t help that her new boyfriend, a close friend of mine too, has no sense of logic whatsoever. It truly is rubbing onto her. Apart from that, she has this annoying habit of blatantly answering to any annoyed remarks that I might make with blatant defensive lies without giving it a moment of thought…

For instance,

Me: Give me my keys please
H: (Looks around in her bag, unsuccessfully) I already gave it to you…
Me: No, you didn’t!
H: (Keeps looking) Yes, I did!
Me: WHEN?
H: I don’t remember… I don’t have it… I must’ve given it to you…
H: (Consequently finds it) Oh sorry, I didn’t…

How CAN one lie through one’s teeth with so much conviction and be absolutely oblivious that she’s talking nonsense?

A few weeks ago, I came back from the gym and found that the geyser had been left on long enough for the fuse to cut off (restoring which isn’t my favourite hobby, and hence I prefer to turn the geyser off after the required running time of 10-15 mins) So when I limp out of my bath, because the boiling hot water has scathed the undersides of my feet, I ask her in a near-defeated voice..

Me: How long ago did you turn the geyser on???
H: (Absolutely without thinking or flinching) I just turned it on 10 minutes ago…
Me: Are you serious?
H: (The idiotic “Ohhh, it’s striking me now” expression) No, no, no… it’s been longer than that…

2 nights ago, I was murmuring that someone who I simply don’t recall, had added me on Facebook, and I didn’t want to add him without placing him… He’d used some gibberish expression for his screen-name, but had a clear picture on display…

Me: Gah, I don’t remember him at all…
H: So just send him a message and ask him…
Me: He’s obviously from college… and we have some common friends too… I don’t like asking people I’m supposed to be knowing who they are…
H: So what? He’s even using some gibberish characters for his screen-name
Me: But his photograph is damn clear…
H: So it’s not necessary that you can see it…
Me: Because I’m visually impaired???
H: No… maybe it isn’t visible to you…
Me: But it’s right there…  Obviously it’s visible to me!
H: It’s not necessary! There could be some permissions or something…
Me: He would be knowing what permissions he’s set…
H: It’s not necessary…
Me: WHAT are you saying?
H: What? It’s possible…
Me: Are you even thinking before talking?
H: It’s possible!
Me: PLEASE stop talking NOW!

And the last incident in this seriously bitchy post, that I simply need to get out of my system before I e-x-p-l-o-d-e…

So yesterday, when they were moving out, she came up to me and told me she was throwing some laundry for washing. Needless to say, I was surprised to see her carrying my towel in the pile…

Me: Were you using that towel?
H: Ya…
Me: That it was the only towel in my bathroom did not convey to you that I might’ve been using it?
H: But it was the only one…
Me: Why couldn’t you just take out a fresh one?
H: I don’t know where they’re kept.
Me: Seriously?!
H: No!
Me: Seriously?!
H: I don’t!
Mag: On top of the cupboard…
H: (The idiotic “Ohhh, it’s striking me now” expression) Ohhhh, of course!

The girl has visited over several weeks, each time I have taken out a fresh towel and handed it to her from the shelf on top of my cupboard where I keep all my linen (the only storage space in my entire room apart from my cupboard… a gorilla could’ve found it without ever having known before)

And then 2 days later, she sends me sentimental messages about how I keep losing my patience with her and she has no inkling whatsoever of why I do that… And when I ask her to identify a common pattern that she may observe if she attempts to trace every incident in which I snapped at her, she still says “I have no idea”…

If there’s anything that I lack in character, it’s
1. patience
and
2. tolerance of extreme stupidity
.

CAN ANYONE HELP ME?

Happiness is momentary, impatience is for life…

24 Apr

So I spent countless weeks impatiently refreshing my e-mail inbox, had countless phone-calls arranged to the HR of the company and had fervid day-dreams playing over and over in my mind of snubbing the company when they did send an offer letter…

And then it finally came. And then the excitement. Lasted all of one night.

Now life is dull again. It might be because there’s no mention of travel allowance in the contract (who doesn’t want to be able to say, “Oh, my company is paying for my flight…” right after they graduate) or any other benefits, but that would’ve prolonged the elation by at most 2 hours…

But well, at least I’m in a position to plan my life better, eh? It shall be time to go house-hunting soon! I’m keeping one whole month free for myself before I commence corporate life. Speaking of which, I simply cannot wait to be in my own apartment! To have full control of everything, to be king of my kitchen, to be able to limit the number of hours that sports channels are permitted to be watched on my TV (or better, to not have a TV at all!), to have Wi-Fi internet!

Sigh, these next 2 months are going to pass extremely slowwwwly…

And all those insecurities…

11 Mar

… that I could have only guessed existed, begin to show their ugly face. He tells me to take it easy, and not to think so much, but am I even capable of it?

What I need is someone to seize control of  my insanity and my paranoia. Who can manipulate me for my own good. Possible to achieve, you think?

I need someone who can do that, and promise to remain loyal forever.
Impossible, that.

All of this in 4 days. I don’t think I’m ever going to get a break, in life…

I HATE gay men!

9 Feb

So I spent literally hours on chat with this guy who randomly had me on his Chat-list… Smart, decently-spoken and a suitable candidate for a friend.

And hours into the conversation, he changes tone, attitude and pretty much everything when I refuse to “hook up”? What a royal waste of time, and even more of a waste of a human being…

Like GOD oh god, I hate the disgusting filth there exists in the world (yes, yes… revolting straight men too)