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Fun days, suspicious mums, Arbit chuntering

17 Jan

I don’t know what’s gotten into her off late, but the mother always wants to know “who are these friends” that I’m hanging around with now and then. And giving that I’m expanding, though slowly, my circle of gay friends, coming up with fake names is so trying!

Speaking of which, life is decent. I got converted into a permanent employee (albeit on probation) at work, from a trainee. And got a jazzy new phone that the co. recently released!

The weekends have been kinda eventful. All of last-to-last week was Tanuja week, and was tremendous fun! The weekend before that, I went for a most divine dimsum-lunch with a fag-friend, and today, I spent literally the entire day travelling the streets of old Bangalore with 2 very cool and very fun fag-friends, who I HOPE will be coming over to my place next weekend for more fun-gay-friend-company.

Last night, I had the strangest dream. The sister had apparently hired (or something to that extent) someone to take away all the “accessories” that I wear (which in reality is just a silver, custom-designed thing given to me by Hagatha, because I liked the design so much… which the sister hated, of course) in an effort to straighten me out. Clearly, the person she hired, in this dream, was sort of extreme, because I recall explicitly cursing her, and telling her I never wanted to see her, or speak to her again. This dream was moments before I woke up, because I recall my sleep being broken by the sound of her arguing on the phone with my dad. As I lay there in those hazy moments one experiences being woken up prematurely, I wondered if I really did hate her so much, or it was just in the dream.
Clearly, she shouldn’t be introduced to the gang of folks I had the briefest cup of coffee with last evening. A friend that I made recently was in town, and I went to meet him. He said he had some 2 friends with him, which turned out to be five. That’s five very stereotypical young gay boys, with more coming and going, sitting in a public cafe (reputed to be a gay hangout on Sundays) wearing loud clothing and bitching in a rather typical fashion about others’ fashion sense and all things young-and-gay. Boy was I uncomfortable, though occasionally amused. I’ve not been so self-conscious in a public setting with a gay person in this long.
I was too uncomfortable sitting there, that I left within 30 minutes. As my friend was seeing me off, I encountered 2 college juniors (one of whom I would’ve never recognized had I not seen him with the other) and wasn’t I thankful that I wasn’t sitting AT the table when they saw me!
So I had my gay-rista (pun on Barista) experience that I’d been so curious about, and that too from the front-seat. And I think I’m quite done with that, TYVM.

Parting Ways

8 Oct

So one third of the triangle that I’d written about a couple of months ago will board a flight, and leave for good. He was a good friend. I enjoyed the time I spent with him immensely. I cannot imagine what he must feel like, leaving a town after spending 5 formative years in it. To me, too, it’s the loss of a the best friend I’ve made here so far, my friend, my confidant.

Yes, I know he’s just a phone-call away. But the thought that I wouldn’t be able to meet him as often as I want is terribly unpleasant, and I wish I’d spent more time with him, because he’s just so much fun to be around.

As for the other third of the triangle, the one I felt so strongly for, I’ve also decided to exclude him from my life, what with how reliant I was becoming on him, and how unreceptive he has been.

So I’m deprived of two very close gay friends, possibly the only people I thought I could count on.

That’s life… People leave. Some physically, some metaphorically. But the show must go on, right?

Support Group

3 Oct

It’s extremely touching to see Hag and Hag boyfriend, more so the latter, sit your own sister down and try to explain to her that her brother’s sexuality is not his choice.

Yep, the sister holds on to her belief that my sexuality is entirely a “choice” I make with regards to who I sleep with, and is purely determined upon the basis of factors that surrounded me while I was growing up. That it’s not how I was born, and that I chose it. And that she has to accept me for a brother upon her choice.

And she also feels it unnecessary to do any kind of reading up on the subject, because she’s so convinced of her beliefs.

And hag-boyfriend attempted to convince her for hours that there were experts out there who had spent more time in researching the subjects than she had, which she should look up if she wants to understand me better. But she’s confident of her source of knowledge (which is her “value system” and beliefs)

I really don’t care enough to try and make her understand, or enlighten her in any way. But it was extremely touching to see 2 friends care so much about me to literally be at loggerheads with her, in attempt to make her look at a larger and possibly more accurate picture.

Friends truly are the family one chooses for oneself. I may or may not have the family I was born into, by my side tomorrow, but I hope I don’t do anything to lose the family that I chose for myself.


16 Aug

No, there is no excuse for neglecting the blog for 10 whole days. But then, I did it, did I not?

Life has been extremely occupying! In 3 days, I’ll complete a month at work. Tomorrow, I’ll be introduced to my team/home for the next year and a half, and will commence working “US Day Shifts” or hopefully, “Europe Day Shifts”. My only concern remains that I get to snatch some time to meet/date, but well… one will have to find a workaround.

Today, I caught a play in the afternoon, a one-man show (except that he was a woman). Amazing performance, amazing capacity (to act on stage for 75 minutes, non-stop!) I’d gone for the play with A, who I shall henceforth call Nimit. After the play, I invited him to my home for the first time, we made coffee, conversation and just about the time we had removed each others’ trousers, the sister came banging on the door. Gahhh!

Thankfully she hasn’t asked what we were doing in the locked room thus far, or why it took a bit of time to open it. My carefree approach to being discovered disappeared the moment she was in front of me. Gahh! What I did get, from the episode, was a snap of us making out 🙂 Now I have a memory!

Anyway, tons has been happening at work. I was mixing brilliantly, I was entertaining, the HR called me aside to lecture me on being respectful and not going too far in pulling peoples’ legs in jest, I discovered that both the HR lady and the Director of the team I’m going to be working on (both of whom had interviewed me for like 20 mins) seem to remember my name (:-) ). On Friday night, 9 of us from work went to a shadyish club, so I had my first (straight) night-out in Bangalore! 7 of them came back home with me, 4 (the guys) left at 4 a.m. and the three girls left the next morning. FUN! I’ve hosted more people this weekend than I’ve done all my life in Bangalore!

Anyhow, that’s sufficient round-up on those lines.

Tomorrow, I draw closer to discovering my self-worth, possibly in this company. I need all the luck!

Does it get better than this?

6 Aug

These have to be among the best two-and-a-half weeks of my life! I got my first paycheck two days back, and the amount was larger than what I’d been receiving each month for my 5 months of internship, even though it was less than two-weeks salary! I have a comfortable cab pick me up in the morning and drop me home. I don’t recall the insides of a public bus, even though I probably boarded one last week. I have fun company for my meals, and good food (that I don’t have to go hunting for everyday.)
There are always people to joke around with, and talk to. I get to take coffee-breaks WITH other people, play some TableTennis or Foosball during. I have a pretty nice gym I don’t have to pay for, so that’s a lot of money saved. Basically, there’s a LOT of money saved! And the dress-code is casual, so there’s a LOT of scope for flaunting fashion (even if I don’t have any fashion sense :-S )

Oh, and I just got a new phone 🙂 A budget E-series (63) I like to call it.

To top it all off, a small victory for gay Americans today! (Why do I care at all about gay americans? I don’t really… I care about all gay people, regardless of nationality.)

I don’t know how long this optimism will last, but subsequent to this post, my guess is, not very long. Then again, maybe my time has finally come?

Dynamic geometric shapes

1 Aug

Did I ever tell you folks about this love-something-like-a-triangle I got into some months ago, here in Bengaluru? No? Well, it went like this.

I met A and B, from the website, on one fine day. Got to know later that A and B were friends since a year, and that A used to like B at some point in time, though I don’t know if it was reciprocated.

Upon interactions with A and B, I sort of fell for A. But B had fallen for me. So there we had it. B liked me, and I liked A, and A had liked B (in the past). But A and B had a falling out, and didn’t talk anymore, so it was awkward but not so much anymore.

Over time, when A would keep telling me about this guy he was into, I’d be mildly troubled but not so much. Soon, I sort of got over him, and the feelings went away.

Recently, when I was spending time at B’s, and a bit of involuntary snooping revealed an online conversation between A and B (soon after I’d met them, before A and B had the fallout) in which it was revealed that A had liked me initially, but since I had mentioned in passing that I was selective about people I ‘did it’ with, A didn’t express his feelings to me ever. Another conversation suggested that B might’ve gotten over me somewhat, though the authenticity of the emotion expressed by B was slightly uncertain.

So now I don’t feel so strongly for A, A used to like me but may or may not anymore and B said to someone else that he got over me, but I’m not so sure about that since he claims otherwise (but might be attempting mind games with me).

Puzzling as it is, all emotions are in control hopefully, and it doesn’t matter so much anymore.

How weird is that???

7 Jul

It all starts with a semi-drunk conversation with Alika, College-Roomie and Friend (If you don’t know who they are, you’re not reading my blog enough :-|) back in Bangalore when they were visiting for a day. In arbit conversation, Alika asks me if I was attracted to College-Roomie. HOW am I supposed to answer that question in the affirmative without making him uncomfortable? How is one NOT to be attracted to someone who’s attractive, with nice long hair, a toned physique…
But naturally I responded in the negative saying “Naw, he’s a friend… Doesn’t work that way…” and I thought it ended there.

A month or more later, in Delhi at a really nice place with amazing Happy Hours rates, after 4 whiskeys (and beer as a filler!) while we’re tottering around outside, roomie says “I don’t believe you were never attracted to me!”

How am I supposed to diplomatically respond to that, be honest, at the same time not seem like a gay predator and do all of that with far too much alcohol flowing through my system?
And is his behaviour expected of your average straight?

But he ISN’T an average straight.