When push comes to shove…

28 Sep

… I turn to you, dear blog.

Its not a nice thing to do. Its the kind of devotion exhibited by people who only offer prayers when they want something.
Which makes me a horrid devout, but you my god. And its true. I turn to you, not when I need something but when I’m upset. Or rather, when I need to be heard by someone who will listen without judgment. To whom I am all that matters.

The US seems very little different from India. Which means that the problem is not with society but with me. To quote, I may be sociable and other polite things but at the end of the day, I am outspoken and opinionated. And I don’t know how to be diplomatic about it. Which is what I hear from people I’ve barely spoken to. I guess word travels around.

And then I feel the need to be the complete complete contrast. Quiet and reserved.

This is how I explain myself… I am a free spirit. I fly free, until you cut my wings, and then I cannot fly.
Am I being needy and dramatic? Or is it innate? I do not know. I cannot know. There is no middle path (or I haven’t found one till date). Everything works in cycles. My history repeats itself, and I learn nothing. It’s never any different.

I know the problem. I’m self-aware. It works against how I’m programmed on the inside.
But what and where is the key?


10 Responses to “When push comes to shove…”

  1. Anonymous September 28, 2012 at 4:55 pm #

    Its natural that we turn to God in times like these… I am a believer,but I dont sit and pray long hours,until and unless i need something badly…Two days back,I watched “Prayers for Bobby”…and cried like never before,(Yes, Drama is a part of our lives,one which we cannot suppress 🙂 )and I just needed to talk to somebody,but who could I talk to ?.. Who would understand me ,more clearly than the Higher power up above.. and trust me I felt better …So.. Well,I’d say.. No matter what happens…He is there for all of us….

    • flygye12 September 28, 2012 at 5:14 pm #

      OMG what a co-incidence ! I had started watching the same movie 2 days back…but then I didn’t feel like I wanted to feel down, so I stopped watching :/

      • Yadhu Krishna October 2, 2012 at 12:34 am #

        Whoa!! I cry everytime I watch that movie. I in fact wrote about it too.

        So we all turn to blog when we are sad. Now wonder all Gay Indian blogs are either sob stories or just plain pornographic ones. 😀

  2. flygye12 September 28, 2012 at 5:13 pm #

    @USP: same here 🙂 my blog seems to be one long sad story. The happy part is that I blog only when I am feeling down, so the lesser I blog means I am in a good mood 😀
    LOL I have stopped counting the number of times I have resolved to talk less. Its only cause we are super-sensitive I guess …

    • Anonymous September 30, 2012 at 4:33 pm #

      Oh hey there… First of all,I think you should watch the movie… yes, it got me down.. But I think i needed to go through that reality check !!… It is a very inspiring movie ..I mean like, really good ! ..

  3. Ian September 29, 2012 at 6:54 am #

    Wow, apart from the God stuff, I could have written this post. We share the same traits, the same need to spread our wings.

  4. Yadhu Krishna October 2, 2012 at 12:36 am #

    I can totally relate to this!! So if you ever find that mean path, do let me know too!! 😀

  5. GlassHalfWhat? October 5, 2012 at 10:59 am #

    Why do none of your ‘it’s’ have any apostrophes? :O

  6. Pesto Sauce October 8, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

    One things which I learnt living away from India is not to be too open with everyone, you never know where they are coming from

  7. Pesto Sauce January 2, 2013 at 6:07 pm #

    Missing you, come back soon

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