When push comes to shove…

28 Sep

… I turn to you, dear blog.

Its not a nice thing to do. Its the kind of devotion exhibited by people who only offer prayers when they want something.
Which makes me a horrid devout, but you my god. And its true. I turn to you, not when I need something but when I’m upset. Or rather, when I need to be heard by someone who will listen without judgment. To whom I am all that matters.

The US seems very little different from India. Which means that the problem is not with society but with me. To quote, I may be sociable and other polite things but at the end of the day, I am outspoken and opinionated. And I don’t know how to be diplomatic about it. Which is what I hear from people I’ve barely spoken to. I guess word travels around.

And then I feel the need to be the complete complete contrast. Quiet and reserved.

This is how I explain myself… I am a free spirit. I fly free, until you cut my wings, and then I cannot fly.
Am I being needy and dramatic? Or is it innate? I do not know. I cannot know. There is no middle path (or I haven’t found one till date). Everything works in cycles. My history repeats itself, and I learn nothing. It’s never any different.

I know the problem. I’m self-aware. It works against how I’m programmed on the inside.
But what and where is the key?

10 Responses to “When push comes to shove…”

  1. Anonymous at 4:55 pm #

    Its natural that we turn to God in times like these… I am a believer,but I dont sit and pray long hours,until and unless i need something badly…Two days back,I watched “Prayers for Bobby”…and cried like never before,(Yes, Drama is a part of our lives,one which we cannot suppress ๐Ÿ™‚ )and I just needed to talk to somebody,but who could I talk to ?.. Who would understand me ,more clearly than the Higher power up above.. and trust me I felt better …So.. Well,I’d say.. No matter what happens…He is there for all of us….

    • flygye12 at 5:14 pm #

      OMG what a co-incidence ! I had started watching the same movie 2 days back…but then I didn’t feel like I wanted to feel down, so I stopped watching :/

      • Yadhu Krishna at 12:34 am #

        Whoa!! I cry everytime I watch that movie. I in fact wrote about it too.

        So we all turn to blog when we are sad. Now wonder all Gay Indian blogs are either sob stories or just plain pornographic ones. ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. flygye12 at 5:13 pm #

    @USP: same here ๐Ÿ™‚ my blog seems to be one long sad story. The happy part is that I blog only when I am feeling down, so the lesser I blog means I am in a good mood ๐Ÿ˜€
    LOL I have stopped counting the number of times I have resolved to talk less. Its only cause we are super-sensitive I guess …

    • Anonymous at 4:33 pm #

      Oh hey there… First of all,I think you should watch the movie… yes, it got me down.. But I think i needed to go through that reality check !!… It is a very inspiring movie ..I mean like, really good ! ..

  3. Ian at 6:54 am #

    Wow, apart from the God stuff, I could have written this post. We share the same traits, the same need to spread our wings.

  4. Yadhu Krishna at 12:36 am #

    I can totally relate to this!! So if you ever find that mean path, do let me know too!! ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. GlassHalfWhat? at 10:59 am #

    Why do none of your ‘it’s’ have any apostrophes? :O

  6. Pesto Sauce at 2:02 pm #

    One things which I learnt living away from India is not to be too open with everyone, you never know where they are coming from

  7. Pesto Sauce at 6:07 pm #

    Missing you, come back soon

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