A tragically small world

8 Oct

Purab is a good friend who I bonded with quite some time ago. I knew that Purab’s been sort of interested in me for quite some time. I was interested in him physically, but no more. That too ended after our first time. But I was pretty clear that he should not develop any feelings for me (even though matters of the heart cannot be controlled with mere instructions). Moreover, I was quite clear about my feelings towards Vikram.

Since then, it seems Purab’s managed to move on. He talks of other guys, other crushes. It also makes spending time with him less awkward, though it never was too awkward to begin with. That’s because he was the one with the feelings, and me, the one abusing them.

About two and a half weeks ago, Purab mentioned some friend at work, and how he’d thought about introducing me to that friend, since we’re apparently very suited to each other, in his opinion. However, this friend has been dating someone else for some time, so he couldn’t. He was showing me that friend’s photographs on FB, and I came across one snap of him with an old flame, which didn’t go beyond phone-dating. This friend of Purab’s, who’s very suited for me, is dating the old flame.

Two Fridays ago, I went on a date with what I literally found to be a breath of fresh air. Gagan did not appear to think differently. We spent almost every minute we could in each others’ company, before I had to rush off to work. That Sunday, I arbitrarily called him and ended up spending the night with him and another friend. Not much happened at night, because he’d recently broken up with someone, and couldn’t stop thinking of him. I literally thought I’d found a new, potentially close friend that I would come to be grateful for. Moreover, he kept mentioning how attractive he found me, and I in return, how attractive I found him.
A week later, I landed up at a party with Gagan and Purab. Both of them were supposed to come back to my place, and Gagan was supposed to bring along a (platonic) friend who’d been staying with him for the last day or so. His friend didn’t show. Instead, Gagan brought home an exotic date, who he suggested he wasn’t interested in too much, but kept making out with all night. No idea what took place in their bedroom later that night. But I doubt the ex was on his mind that much, 6 days after.

Today, Purab told me over chat that he’d been chatting up Gagan, and they’d intended to meet for dinner, and he’d intended to stay over. Shortly after, he told me that he’d seen Vikram the previous night, with (mostly insignificant) person I’d chatted briefly with online, before he did a disappearing act. Mostly asocial Vikram, who claims he never goes out on dates because it unduly raises peoples’ expectations. Maybe it wasn’t a date. I have no way of knowing.

Needless to say, I had to sleep off my depression to depressing piano pieces, followed by a short nap. Thankfully, it worked to an extent. I’m not ardently wishing for a hand-gun anymore. But I wouldn’t mind having one anyway.


2 Responses to “A tragically small world”

  1. M October 13, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

    Men, gay or straight, suck. It’s a sea of hollow shells out there, but I’m sure you’ll find your oyster sooner or later.

  2. Pesto Sauce October 18, 2011 at 5:36 pm #

    It is a small world moreso for gays who have to live in closet with limited choices

    I suggest go with the tide, you will find right guy and he will be all you ever wanted

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