Paranoia

8 Sep

Typing this for the second time, thanks to fucking Nokia.

So I’m totally insane.
Yesterday, I got to know that the security guard lost a parcel of mine he’d received, containing something worth half a grand. The monetary loss doesn’t bother me much, but the fact that he was so clumsy (or clever) and is trying to get away with It, downright annoys me.
And now, I’m trying to avoid him. Avoid him to avoid confrontation, because if I encounter him, I must question him. Why should I want to avoid confrontation when he’s the culprit and I’m the victim, god only knows. That’s where I’m fucked-up. I spent 2 hours tossing and turning last night, imagining confrontations with him and subsequently with the management of the society which, hypothetically in my head, is siding him. It’s all in my head, but it cost me 2 hours of sleep. And he’s probably snoring away peacefully.

This is just one example. One tiny instance of one day of my life. There are MANY more where that comes from, and they swim around in my mind all the time. Many of them don’t even remotely involve me. General issues in society, but I take it upon my own shoulders.

The Tarot reader was bang accurate about me being a total mental disaster. My brain, my conscience, my guilt… It’s all a time-bomb slowly ticking away.

I don’t know why I’ve cut down on blogging off late. I need to keep documenting my thoughts, so that hopefully someone will study them one day and suggest some remedies, hopefully before I shoot myself in frustration.

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9 Responses to “Paranoia”

  1. Ian September 8, 2010 at 2:27 am #

    I would not be able to even try and sleep on something like this. I would need it confronted straight away!

    • unsungpsalm September 8, 2010 at 2:40 am #

      If you’re talking about the parcel affair, you should know that the currency I expressed the amount in is Indian Rupees, half a grand of which equals a little over US $10.
      Still require urgent confrontation?

  2. aparna September 8, 2010 at 7:04 am #

    LOL!Saying half a grand sounds much more dramatic than saying 500Rs!
    Dollars or Rupees, its not the money but the callous attitude and blatant disregard of principals that is bothersome!

  3. Pesto Sauce September 15, 2010 at 5:56 pm #

    Don’t confront him, just smash his balls

  4. hewulfin September 15, 2010 at 9:55 pm #

    shoot yourself!

  5. Tanuja October 6, 2010 at 2:06 pm #

    I do this. ALL the time. Have imaginary confrontations with people I actually want to confront in my head.

    I also have conversations I fear might happen, in the future, in my head. Obviously, they’re worse than they’d ever turn out. And sometimes, it makes me quite sad. Imaginary conversations :-/

    • unsungpsalm October 8, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

      Oh, that’s a relief! Thought I was the only one :-/

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