On a crossroads to nowhere

31 Aug

Hello all. How are you doing? Well, I hope.

For you see, in times like these, if you’re content with life… it’s amazing! If you’ve got something to look forward to, that’s fantastic. If you have reason to have hope, you’re fortunate.

I have none.

Some nights ago, I was having a dream in which I was making a trip home in the middle of my semester. I particularly recall being in some sort of conveyance, which I initially thought to be an aircraft, but after being in it for about half an hour, when I saw that I was still on the road, I decided that it must be a bus ferry to the aircraft.
Point being, in that dream, I was struggling to figure out which semester in college I was in, so as to determine if it was my last or not.
I eventually concluded that I was in my last but one, implying that I had about one more year to spend in college, which I was glad about (in the dream) for it didn’t seem too long.
Then I woke up and realized that in fact, I am in my last semester here, so in about 3 months, I could be bidding this place adieu.

Ideally, I would be delighted at the thought. But now that I’m reflecting over it, it’s not really that exciting. Not that I want to stay here (no way in hell!) but moving back to Delhi doesn’t excite me either. There’s nothing to look forward to. I don’t have a compelling job that’s drawing me there, I’ve stopped obsessing over relationships and romance, there aren’t any friends waiting for me, the enthusiasm to find an avenue to go abroad is also gone… at this moment in my life, I’m in deep existential crisis.

So what are my options for the period that begins when this semester ends? One is to remain here for another 6 months. If I were to do so, my surroundings would be familiar (which is good) but I’d be in perpetual depression. Thus, I don’t want to stay here.
If I were to move to Delhi or Bangalore, I’d probably engage in the grind of one gay party after another, never meeting anyone interesting, and lacking friends to hang out with (that I have here). Thus, I’d be upset and depressed.
Finally, I could energize my drive to look for an internship abroad. If I landed up somewhere in Europe, everything would be strange and awkward, I’d be a cultural misfit, I’d be unhappy and lonely and my dream would be shattered. Which leaves me with no more options.

Three cheers for recession! Not only did it take our jobs away, it also dampened our spirits. Two birds with one stone.


21 Responses to “On a crossroads to nowhere”

  1. Nu August 31, 2009 at 9:14 pm #

    Ohh dear !! This “don’t-know-where-and-what-to-do” stage comes in everyone’s life… So I think the time is not to think much….You still have 3 months to go,right ? Hang on and chill !

    Take Care,buds πŸ™‚

    • unsungpsalm August 31, 2009 at 9:56 pm #

      Thank you, Nu! Doing my best to chill in an atmosphere of paranoia…

  2. Pesto Sauce August 31, 2009 at 9:58 pm #

    I guess this downturn has kinda killed the human spirit, can’t recall any other menace claiming so many victims world over, atleast in my life time. But you can try for Europe, will get exposure and maybe romance!!!!

    Btw I did it, you can read my stuff

    • unsungpsalm August 31, 2009 at 10:12 pm #

      Really? No other in your life?
      Geez, I hate to be at the centre of this one 😦

  3. BlueMist August 31, 2009 at 10:06 pm #

    Like Nupur said we all stop by this cross roads and don’t know where to go. I would just say hang in there and look for signals. ( so optimistic I know ! πŸ˜› )
    No intentions of disappointing you; but this is pattern for life for each one of us; this is just one of the crossroads; there are many more to come. That’s how we learn and evolve. No ?
    Just wanted to remind you of THIS post in case you missed it. πŸ˜€
    Cheers Boi. Btw hope your health is okay now?

    • unsungpsalm August 31, 2009 at 10:13 pm #

      Health is better! Climbing on my feet now… SOOO many posts to catch up with!

      Thanks for the reminder… I really needed it πŸ™‚

      • BlueMist August 31, 2009 at 10:19 pm #

        That’s good news. Take it slow and at comfortable pace. I would say leave it and go indulge in something you like. πŸ™‚

  4. Jackdaw August 31, 2009 at 11:20 pm #

    You will not be a cultural misfit… The adventure will make you grow a lot.

    • unsungpsalm September 1, 2009 at 5:53 pm #

      I hope you’re right. And I hope I manage an internship abroad, then πŸ™‚

  5. D September 1, 2009 at 12:46 am #

    If I could be a stone, I would hit recession really hard!

  6. v September 1, 2009 at 8:13 am #

    hey USP how r u …u up and running or still bit down with flu…

    and do not worry about recession et al …if u could remember i had quoted this lines some weeks ago
    “When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” this is think is true ..

    so all your plans would come true ..i am sure .. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    and please please do not worry ….it leads to hair fall πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

    • unsungpsalm September 1, 2009 at 5:54 pm #

      Lol, okay!
      Yep, the hairfall is extreme at the moment…

  7. Dark Knight September 1, 2009 at 2:40 pm #

    We all pass through this stage… so just chillax and have fun…
    oh btw: how’s ur flu? fully recovered? take care!

    • unsungpsalm September 1, 2009 at 5:55 pm #

      The fever and pains are gone… I’m on a pretty lengthy course of antibiotics which has me extremely lethargic all the time…
      I think it might be responsible for the pessimism, but pretty sure it’s not the case…

      • Dark Knight September 2, 2009 at 9:50 am #

        hehe could be…medicine makes you weak and makes you bit pessimistic.. but still.. πŸ™‚
        recover soon fully πŸ˜€

  8. kabir September 1, 2009 at 4:25 pm #

    Oh, USP! Existential crisis– been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt.

    I just graduated in May with BA in English Lit, went through the whole summer slump for two months (what the hell does one do with English Lit in a recession??). Just coming out of it now, thinking I’ll pursue South Asian Studies:)

    and no, no bf here either… it’s ok bro, we’ll get through it… this is all part of being in one’s twenties:)

    • unsungpsalm September 1, 2009 at 5:56 pm #

      Awww… you have it worse than I do 😦
      But you have a game-plan. All the best!

  9. kabir September 1, 2009 at 4:26 pm #

    Btw, I may be coming to live in Delhi if the gods conspire to make it happen:)

    • unsungpsalm September 1, 2009 at 5:58 pm #

      Really? That’s so cool! I hope I’m as lucky as well πŸ™‚

  10. kabir September 1, 2009 at 9:08 pm #

    Thanks, now if only I can find that bf:)

    • unsungpsalm September 2, 2009 at 12:10 am #

      And all the best to you for that…

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