The Needy Hag

8 Feb

I was gearing up to fall asleep last night, after a long day, when Hagatha started off again on another late night tirade of SMSes. The second argument, mind you, that she decided to pick yesterday.

She: “Even after all this time you’re still so sweet and loving towards Alika and nothin like that with me,even though i very well know that i’m a better friend! Man, i’m flummoxed. I do notice the marked difference, you know.

So it’s my fault that Alika comes up to me and hugs me at the library! I’m the one to blame, is it? I should stop her from doing something she’s been doing for over 5 years?

She: “You freeze up with me[when I do it]. Don’t know why. Don’t think I don’t notice.

I’ll tell you why I “freeze up”.
1. I first got 2 know you as a conservative South Indian
2. You had feelings for me for years.
3. Your family, friends acquaintances, all conservative south indians, are perpetually surrounding us. And they all think we’re in a deeply committed relationship. I know you don’t care. I do!
I’m not uncomfortable at all with you touching me. Nor when (another good friend) Charu does. I just don’t respond. To either of you. What Alika and I share dates back centuries. She initiated it back then, I was uncomfortable for ages. Got used to it over years. In your case, I will not be able to get used to it knowing that you’re waiting and watching and analysing and exploring and expecting and demanding. No, at least not in the next 1 year, like it or not. Don’t blame me, for your being so immature and complex. If you expect me to respond like a clockwork puppet that caters to these wants and needs, i suggest you go your own way and I go mine. Because I’m starting to get really really grossed out.

She: “But even when i express affection, you don’t respond, you know? Never show that it even makes a difference. Almost like you were putting up with it.

Newsflash! I’m not exactly having to “put up” with your affectionate gestures, but I’m definitely having to put up with all the harassment of late night confrontations. Issues that exist only in your head, and you refuse to resolve after having discussed them with me so many times, are your problem, not mine.

She: “Will you atleast try to relax around me? Perhaps be not taut if i so much as lean against you? Please do try, it’d mean a lot to me. I’m not going to change the way i behave, hoping that perhaps, you’ll miraculously relax. Will you atleast try?

I know it matters to you. But this isn’t something I can buy you or make you. It’s a comfort level that needs to be achieved naturally, which, thanks to this, it won’t be. If it wasn’t coming naturally, it would be put on, which I don’t want to do.

Maybe if you really want it so much, then we can change our equation to what exists between Alika and me. Limited contact, no uncomfortable issues or discussions like these. Then I can assure results in a few weeks. Would you like that? Alternatively, you could put a gun to my head and demand that I hug you.


These excerpts cannot give even a vague idea of what all I have to endure. Moments such as these make me realise that I don’t have the 100% flawless friend as I sometimes am lead to believe.
Moreover, I hate these midnight retrospections she insists on having that she’d never have in her full senses, during the day.

Aaargh, she can make me seethe sometimes. Our constitution definitely needs to include some measures to safeguard men from emotional assaults by women. Particularly those occurring after 11p.m.

Yes ladies, you may now proceed with your Unsung-bashing.


15 Responses to “The Needy Hag”

  1. BlueMist February 8, 2009 at 6:31 pm #

    ๐Ÿ™‚ Baade bade deshon me ye choti choti batein hoti rehati hai ….!! Itana to chalata hai ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. unsungpsalm February 8, 2009 at 9:25 pm #

    Yep, I know. But she makes me fume, and when I do, I blog.

  3. BlueMist February 8, 2009 at 11:27 pm #

    but you are her best friend ya ๐Ÿ˜€ ( just kidding )

  4. Rakesh February 10, 2009 at 1:12 am #

    Could your “needy hag” be writing a fuming blog about “My unattentive fag” in a parallel blogosphere? About how’s she’s doing everything a hag should do for her fag, and how her fag just isn’t doing all the things he is supposed to do for her, like hug her in public for instance. Just kidding! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Nikita February 10, 2009 at 3:07 pm #

    I was so much like your needy hag a couple of years back. I have grown out of it now, become more mature and it feels very liberating. Boy, you are too mature for your 22(?) years and maybe the people of your age around you can’t handle or understand that.
    I feel sorry for you. And also for your needy hag. May your friendship survive such tiffs.

  6. Rambunctious WhipperSnapper February 10, 2009 at 8:03 pm #

    Hahahahhaha .. She called you mature ……

    *Points and laughs at Unsung*

  7. unsungpsalm February 10, 2009 at 10:52 pm #

    Err… I AM her best friend ๐Ÿ™‚

    You OUGHT to be! You’re supposed to be on my side… MY SIDE!

    20, actually. Turning 21 soon.
    Our friendship will survive all trials and tribulations ๐Ÿ™‚

    *Slaps Ramby*

  8. Rambunctious Whippersnapper February 10, 2009 at 11:36 pm #

    a) That wasn’t very mature . Hence you just proved my point.

    b) You wish ….

    *Points at Unsung and laughs again*

  9. Rakesh February 10, 2009 at 11:47 pm #

    Hehe, I am right by your side, babe. ๐Ÿ˜€

  10. unsungpsalm February 10, 2009 at 11:50 pm #

    I think I’m going to Talibanise this blog and censor all your comments. What say?

    And you better remain right there!
    Hope all’s well at work, hon.

  11. Rambunctious Whippersnapper February 11, 2009 at 12:11 am #

    *Points and laughs like Nelson from The Simpsons*


    Your ex-roomie is right. You ARE desperate!!

  12. BlueMist February 11, 2009 at 1:36 pm #

    You are just 20 ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
    Man you are way serious than your age. Go have fun than wasting your time in blogging ๐Ÿ˜›

  13. unsungpsalm February 11, 2009 at 9:47 pm #

    You don’t like me blog ? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    See, I can be juvenile when I want to ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. BlueMist February 12, 2009 at 1:32 am #

    Now when did I say that ? :O I meant this age is to have fun not sit and write serious stuff ๐Ÿ™‚ I crave so much to go back my twenties !! ๐Ÿ˜

  15. UnsungPsalm February 12, 2009 at 7:13 am #

    I do have my share of fun!
    And then I come back and document it here, so that I can read about it tomorrow when I’ve forgotten. I tend to forget everything.

    And about the serious stuff, I only mention it if it isn’t letting me live in peace. Like SriRamSene for instance. Any time I read anything about them in the paper, I’m so heated up that I cannot even TRY to concentrate on anything else. So fuming here… well, I hope it helps!

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