Rab Ne… : Cinema abuse

24 Dec

So it goes something like this. If you’re planning to go and watch “Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi” (a situation that may arise if you haven’t seen it already), I suggest you perform the following task first.

Acquire a gun. Push bullets into all but one slots of the cylinder. Snap the cylinder back to position and spin. Then proceed to shoot one bullet into your head. If it hits you and you die, you’re fortunate. If you survive, then go and watch the film. You’ll return home and shoot yourself anyway.

Why did I catch the 10 p.m. show this evening, when I could’ve so happily been watching any other film or just staying at home and not cursing myself?

When I knew the plot of the film and was congnisant of the fact that it resembled Ekta Kapoor’s worst soap ever? When mom mentioned clearly that it had received a 2 star rating? When I knew that films such as these simply didn’t deserve a chance and should not be encouraged?

Well, the sister with her negative IQ, who takes after her mother of similar intellect, inspite of knowing the plot, wanted to watch it. And hated it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as violent towards my own family as I did this evening.
Well, at least this gets me out of having to watch any other film in the theatre for the next 6 months. The healing process for traumatic experiences such as these is long drawn and takes its time. One even has to check into rehab. sometimes.

But I’m particularly angry with humanity for making a film such as this. Porn has a more believable story line. Sharukh Khan has acted in far too many films; one is utterly and completely tired of watching him on screen. It’s about time that he retired. The production house of the film should be shut and its owners, convicted of heinous crimes.

And it’s not even as if I’m one of those snoots who only likes to watch non-commercial art cinema. I absolutely loved “Om Shanti Om”, I do not deny it for a moment. But this. This. This film is an insult even to the worst art films in history. It should’ve rightly starred Emraan Hashmi or maybe Himesh Reshammiya. No wait, I think I’m being hard on them. I wonder what Sharukh was diseased with when he took up this film.

Now that I have warned you, I shall go and shoot myself.

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12 Responses to “Rab Ne… : Cinema abuse”

  1. Stray December 24, 2008 at 5:45 am #

    Like I was mentioning to a fellow-blogger a short while ago, the movie requires some element of class from the viewer to be appreciated.

    Yaar, simple sa to message tha – Love the one u see God in/ see God in the one u love. Is topic pe to even Einstein cudn’t have made a better movie.

    The story-line was soppy… agreed. But its a Hindi movie, man. They’re all dramatized versions of real life. Please to not be critiquing movies if you aren’t classy enuf to understand/ appreciate them. Please, huh.

    P.S. – I quite like the idea of u shooting yourself, tho for putting up a post such as this. Lemme know how that pans out. πŸ™‚

  2. Dark Knight December 24, 2008 at 9:36 am #

    OMG, so the movie is one of the worst. I have been repeatedly spared because of various reasons at the last hour. May be god is trying to save me then πŸ˜›

    I think Chandni and Swati will kill you. lol πŸ˜€

  3. unsungpsalm December 24, 2008 at 9:46 am #

    *DK
    Glad you agree!

    *Stray
    How rude. I’ve watched oh-so many “Hindi” films and found them quite tolerable. Like “Welcome” and as I mentioned, “Om Shanti Om”. This film in fact was an attempt to recreate the spirit of OmShantiOm which simply went downhill.

    I didn’t look for a message, I didn’t look for a story line. But when one attempts to introduce one, and it’s as pathetic and outrageously poor as this, then one wishes he/she was watching a Balaji offering instead.

    Dramatised version of real life? This? I mean, like Helllooo! WHERE did you even see fictitious life in the film?

    I know that a sad sloppy Hindi film truly is pathetic even if my Mom&Sis dislike it. Because that means even people who enjoy low-IQ offerings could not enjoy it.

  4. Jay December 24, 2008 at 10:45 am #

    I know you’re disturbed, but watch the typos, Unsung.

  5. Jay December 24, 2008 at 10:46 am #

    And you found ‘Welcome’ tolerable?? :O

    Stray is right. Get some class.

  6. D December 24, 2008 at 10:55 am #

    The movie was crap! I’m not an SRK fan but I think he’s given some great movies. How could he act in something si trashy? And maybe I’m being over-critical but I think I look better than the girl who got to act opposite Shah Rukh! I mean, why was she there at all?

    @Stray: In the last half an hour of the movie, the director seemed to have realised, well this movie makes no sense at all, has no purpose, so we need to give it a “message”. And has therefore suddenly inserted this bit about see God in the one you love or vice versa. That’s how it appears to me – the message is so inconsistent with the rest of the storyline!

  7. Mumbai Diva December 24, 2008 at 10:56 am #

    I love bollywood movies. BUT they need to entertain me. paisa vasool as they say. They don’t need to be intelligent. all i’m asking for is 3 hrs well spent. Rab ne… didn’t do that. Also somewhere I think one is beginning to appreciate more realistic style of cinema as one is being exposed to it more. As an example, I would enjoy a Pyaar ke side effects much much more than this one even tho it had the controversial Ms Sherawat ( who I quite like by the way) and Rahul Bose who I lurrrve.

  8. unsungpsalm December 24, 2008 at 11:10 am #

    *Jay
    Shoo.

    As for Stray, with what he seems to be getting at, Welcome was probably the epitome of Indian Film-making.
    Welcome was 3-hour paisa vasool. Well, kind of. OSO was total Paisa Vasool.

    RNBDJ is sheer torture. And the fact that my tickets were free did not help.

    *D and *MumbaiDiva
    Hear Hear!

    *Stray again
    Ha. Haha. πŸ™‚

  9. Crazy Sam December 24, 2008 at 8:42 pm #

    You loved “Om Shanti Om”? You absolutely loved it???? OMG!!! Unsung! How could you!!!

  10. Crazy Sam December 24, 2008 at 8:48 pm #

    oh by the way, that was just my take in imitating bollywood movies (dramatized). I absolutely hated Om Shanti Om. In fact, my hate for a particular film goes manifold when people starts praising it when I believe it is already being highly overrated.

    Like the weather people say, I may or may not see Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. πŸ˜€

  11. Crazy Sam December 24, 2008 at 8:53 pm #

    By the way, I love this template!

  12. unsungpsalm December 24, 2008 at 10:44 pm #

    Thank you!
    Once again, I take no credit for the templates πŸ™‚ I didn’t make any of them. I cannot. Because WordPress is friggin’ cheap and will not let me edit mine.

    Okay, I didn’t absolutely love OSO, but I enjoyed it. The film was extremely glamorous. I loved the entire 70’s theme. I’ve always wanted to host a 70’s party. I love the 70’s in every friggin’ way.
    Therefore, I enjoyed OSO even though it was totally unrealistic and whatever whatever.

    But Rab Ne.. had NOTHING to offer at all!

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