Confusing Signals

23 Nov

Pankaj and I had a rather lengthy casual chat today in the Library after a very long time. We’ve not connected since forever, so I really enjoyed the moment.

When he finally left, he SMSed me saying that “I don’t know if you and Hagatha were told, but I broke up with <his girlfriend> some weeks back.”

I was quite stunned, as it was so unexpected and kept from us for so long.
I don’t consider him incapable of breaking up with her over no logical reason at all. He is rather self-centred and he has said on many occasions that he doesn’t want to “spend his entire life with just one girl”.

After all this time, my doubts on his sexuality rise once again. Okay, not after “all this time”. I keep doubting. But I’ve also stopped caring too much. I may be wrong. Or he may be one of those extreme cases of denial. But there are far too many signs.
Rather, everything about him screams Homosexuality, except that he insists against it, and “lusts” endlessly after girls…the celebrity/super-model types.
Yes, he dated a girl for a year. One who is extremely sweet and everything, but certainly not his type… and he’s the kind who would have require a very specific type for compatibility, going by the distinctness of his own personality.
And I’m sure they didn’t “do” much in a little under 2 years. I often wondered how much of a couple they really were.
But they’re on good terms, I’m sure. Besides, she’s his best-friend’s best-friend from school, so she’s always going to be around.

And then he broke up with her, stating that he didn’t want to get too committed this early in life.

Well, as I said, I’ve stopped caring. Don’t want to think too much about it. But if he is a complete closet case, I hope he comes out of it quite soon, and doesn’t end up hurting another girl in the process.

In other news, I came across this really discouraging article. Though I hope not to be disturbed by this sort of situation ever (it would just be easier to come out!), I feel strongly for those who’re victimised. I suppose our entire community is victimised. Yet, life must go on.

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18 Responses to “Confusing Signals”

  1. Just call me 'A' November 23, 2008 at 1:26 am #

    a friend of mine came out of the closet after a really long time. the first thing his dad said to him was..do yoga! you’ll be cured. that’s the outlook of a vast majority of people. they look at it as a disease, an out of the trodden path way of life. but i think once someone has come out to themselves totally first, then it’s easier to come out to the world. maybe your friend still needs to come out to himself before he can proclaim to the world. and irrespective of how strong they seem to be, they need the support of close ones.
    so don’t stop caring.

  2. Firebolt November 24, 2008 at 12:23 am #

    In order to come out to anyone else, one must come out to oneself. Your friend’s is a similar case. He needs to be treated with care.

    As for that article, I found it far more than discouraging. I found it frightening.

  3. Rambunctious WhipperSnapper November 24, 2008 at 1:42 pm #

    Yup, your pal sounds like a classic closet case. However, it’s important for you to give him time to find out on his own. Sure, you can be understanding, but remember he’s not your responsibility.

    “I’m not one to commit” was one of my favorite responses.

    As for the article, it stresses the importance of being out more than anything else.

  4. Stray November 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm #

    I concur with Firebolt – coming out appears to be a state of mind rather than an acknowledgment of one’s sexuality to others.

    And, its a real small world – Arvind and Sid are friends from college and do some amazing work on sexuality, gender and related issues, amongst others.

  5. Stray November 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm #

    P.S. – The new design on the blog is fetching! Where did u get it?

  6. unsungpsalm November 24, 2008 at 11:27 pm #

    *Just ‘A’
    He’s resoundingly supportive of gay people to be a closet case himself! That’s what confuses me so… And I cannot figure out how many would suspect him to be gay. He fits as a gay person. As one awesome gay person.
    Sigh!

    No, I could never stop caring, I guess. Despise him sometimes for his egoism, but he’s almost an alter ego.

    *Firebolt
    Extremely frightening. I wish it had been published in the TOI instead. Everyone deserves to know.

    *Ramby
    After all these years…. a serious comment from you still sounds out-of-place 😛
    Yep, you’re very right. I cannot, and do not care too much. It’s his life. Maybe he’s straight after all. Who knows? Only, the world seems to disagree with him.

    *Stray
    Is Arvind N., umm… you know… single?
    Intro-seduce me, do! 😛

    And the Blog template is made by the person who’s credited right at the bottom of this page.
    Wordpress is a pain. It only lets you pick from a select offering, which I did out of lack of choice. I would’ve preferred designing my own template, but apparently, that’s not ok!

  7. Stray November 25, 2008 at 12:47 am #

    LOL! Arvind’s older then me, kiddo! He’s gonna start balding soon! 😉

    Mais single he is. And Sid’s his younger, hotter cousin (he’s actually got a six pack). They’re both intelligent and emotionally mature… (all I gotta do now is wait and reel back on the line once the fish takes the bait)

  8. unsungpsalm November 25, 2008 at 12:51 am #

    Hum!
    Whatever are you trying to imply???!!!

    That I wouldn’t like older guys?

  9. Stray November 25, 2008 at 1:08 am #

    (Hmnn, it appears we have ourselves a mighty suspicious fishie)

    U can reach Arvind on . Volunteer with ALF and u can spend some time with him.

    P.S. – Don’t u wanna take a wheensie nibble on the bait, a.k.a Sid?

  10. unsungpsalm November 25, 2008 at 1:11 am #

    *Stray
    Okay, one, we respect people’s privacy here! I don’t think either would appreciate their email ID’s being broadcasted here for… well, that purpose.

    2. I was obviously joking!! Though it’s very considerate of you. 🙂

    3. You are Evidently trying to fix me up! Stray, how dare you 😛

    So are you saying that both the cousins… swing? Nice 🙂

  11. Stray November 25, 2008 at 9:23 am #

    2. + 3. = 🙂 I wasn’t joking. I think it’s always beautiful to have an additional person in one’s Life that one can love and/ or respect – the more the merrier.
    Happy to be of assistance.

    They’re both hunks (Arvind’s the quiter of the two).

    1. = Thanks for the gentle word of advice; I am already aware of the protocol though. What u have is an email ID that is within the public domain – its available on the ALF website
    .

  12. unsungpsalm November 25, 2008 at 12:12 pm #

    Yes Yes, I’m aware he’s broadcasting his own e-mail ID, but surely not for the purpose of Online Dating… wouldn’t you agree? 😉

    And I’m extremely curious to know why you’re downplaying Arvind so much, and pushing Sid forward as a better pick. No really, I cannot guess. So out with it already!

    And when you say they’re both “hunks”… you mean “hunks” as in ho- … no, what really?

  13. Dark Knight November 25, 2008 at 1:45 pm #

    Don’t u think you are jumping to conclusion regarding his orientation? Just a thought. You know the reality 😀

  14. unsungpsalm November 25, 2008 at 2:29 pm #

    Well, I only asked!

  15. Stray November 25, 2008 at 2:46 pm #

    Ahem, u weren’t going to mail him on that ID asking him for a date now, were you?! I’d suggested volunteering with ALF so u could spend time with him and take things from there. What happens from there on in is outside of the blogosphere.

    They’re both hunky and gay. And Sid is way closer to your age than Arvind, who will likely go thru his Life without a companion (the only guys he’s truly comfortable with are unfortunately straight). If I were to choose between them as a companion, I’d go with Sid ‘cos Arvind’s way too serious for me. And Sid’s got a naughty sense of humour. 🙂

  16. unsungpsalm November 25, 2008 at 2:52 pm #

    Okay, you’re getting way too serious about this!
    Firstly, I was fooling around! Don’t intend to make advances of any sort on either of them 😛 Secondly, I’m sure ALF has just about no use of a person such as me. I know no Law.
    And it’s unfortunate to hear that about Arvind. Hate to think the guy will go through life alone 😦

    Thanks a lot for trying to… well, help me out 🙂

    Sid has a “nasty” sense of humour? I wonder what that means. Are you in regular touch with the two? You seem to be in touch with lots of people, y’know. Do you work at all?

  17. Stray November 25, 2008 at 3:27 pm #

    Nope, I just live on fresh air and whatever grass I manage to rummage out of the dung from the cow who’s cowshed I live in.

  18. unsungpsalm November 25, 2008 at 4:30 pm #

    Sigh!
    I’ve always envied you nomadic sorts…

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