Thoughts still Linger

21 Sep

I may have mentioned before that since the last 2 weeks, weekends were days I particularly used to look forward to. The reason may be somewhat obvious if one were to go by the fact that this post is locked.

This week, I did not have reason to be as spirited towards that end as I usually am, I nonetheless was anticipating the arrival of saturday. However, tests begin monday, so that would give me very little time to actually speak with him.

Yesterday, I finished my morning classes, confabulated with a friend or two, and bunked a long overdue gym session so that I could be back in time to catch him out of his sleep. He was not to be found! I believe I waited a good hour and a half for him to turn up, but he wouldn’t. I logged on to “the networking website” to see if he had visited it since the previous week… and lo behold! He was online!

Of course I wouldn’t dare leave him a message. It would seem excessively desperate. That coupled with the fact that he called me “despo” when I abandoned my gym workout midway, last week, when I learnt that he’d come online!

I maintain that while I was desperate last week, I wouldn’t say the same for this. Then why this post? Why am I upset?

I perceive 2 different explanations… one, that by chaffering with him, I could disillusion myself a bit about him, and not be so absorbed in thoughts. Another explanation that may exist, and one that my mind would hope isn’t true while my heart would think differently, is that there would be a second chance. How and why, I do not know. But the heart can yearn, can it not? Even when the mind insists that I should be studying!

So I should be studying! I’ll be away at the Library all day, as D-Day is tomorrow! I know I’ll log on to my Gtalk through my phone a few times, to see if he’s come online. If I do, I don’t know what I’ll do. I hope I don’t come running back to my room, it is so far away!

Well, here’s wishing me sanity and sensibility!


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