Melancholic Rant

8 Jul

I’m feeling quite depressed right now. Often, a dispiriting event occurs in the day, and leaves me feeling distressed, even after I have pretty much forgotten what the event was. It just hit me right now that I was feeling quite queasy on the inside, and thought back as to what could have instigated it. It so turns out that 2 such events that occurred earlier today, one after another, left me feeling low, and neither were pertaining to real life!

I watched Philadelphia again this morning. I have little patience with watching films for a second time. This one though, I could go through unfettered. It left me feeling extremely sorry for someone like Miguel (Antonio Banderas), who was loyal to his partner until (his partner’s) death, even though the latter had been unfaithful to him (which had led them both to the situation that they were in). Where did he find such forgiveness? Where did he find the capacity to love so unconditionally? Why was life so unfair to him, as to leave him single and alone at the prime of his life, in spite of the fact that he loved and nurtured his partner?

Moreover, how did Andy come about having a family that was so loving? The question of acceptance never arose, as each sibling and both parents loved him so devotedly. Do such open-minded families really exist?

Thereafter, I watched an episode of Will & Grace (several episodes actually, but one that left me dismayed) in which Will’s ex-boyfriend of seven years came back to town, with his new lover. Will initially thought that Michael (his ex-) had wanted to revive the bond they shared, but was mistaken when he was introduced to his own successor.

A seven-year relationship that ended. It makes each one of my own troubles and yearnings look so extensively trivial.

I closely associate with Will. Yes, I don’t consider him all that attractive, though quite. But he is hot-tempered, successful, yearning for commitment, stickler for details, clean, stylish, sophisticated. Everything that I want to be. And we both have significantly large foreheads! Naturally, he enjoys being in deep commitment. Oh, and he’s very selective and fussy!

Watching him left alone truly left me feeling awful. Are these phases that we will all have to go through in life? I really hope not.


7 Responses to “Melancholic Rant”

  1. chandni July 8, 2008 at 2:21 pm #


    No one knows about life, where its headed, that’s the beauty.

    Just revel in uncertainity, that’s the only thing that works and don’t be unhappy ๐Ÿ™‚

    It’ll work itself out, always does!

  2. Rambunctious WhipperSnapper July 8, 2008 at 2:29 pm #

    Maybe when we actually find someone who we feel good enough to be in receipt of our affections, we tend to love them unconditionally, till death do us apart? Or maybe it’s just the movies? Maybe we can only know once we feel it?

    And please don’t consider Will as an example of Gay life. The ups and downs in Will Truman’s life were determined by the ratings of the show. It’s not an actual or factual representation of how a selective, fussy, hot-tempered gay man would lead a life. Maybe we humans are not meant for monogamy?

    Yes, there are open minded people out there. Even in India. Maybe even in our families.

    And maybe we are meant to go through all of life’s phases. As the man once said, it’s the journey that counts??

    Oh, and life’s never fair. If it was, I would be moving in with Zack Braff as we speak.

  3. Dark Knight July 8, 2008 at 3:08 pm #

    I don’t know.
    Am still searching for these answers. But sometimes i feel, there are people who love unconditionally. And sometimes i feel, everything that goes in life comes with conditions (Like If you don’t meet condition no. 4a, please leave). This whole life is a big paradox.
    Anyway, don’t lose hope. All we can do is, keep hoping. Hoping!! HOPING!!

    And i agree with Rambws, life is not fair.

  4. flygye12 July 9, 2008 at 7:41 am #

    u said what u felt very clearly. i can feel ur blues….

  5. closetalk July 9, 2008 at 8:21 am #

    where do i start now?….
    well, (1) will u keep encountering rejection and sadness about promiscuity? yes. dat’s the truth. deal with it. ๐Ÿ™‚ and no, don’t blame gay men for it. we’re only human. and we like our sex. ๐Ÿ™‚
    (2) a very thought provoking article (the previous one) on the role of queer men and women in India, compared to the “90%”… but, hey, don’t think it’s a life of roses here in the States… personally, i think Indians are much less bigoted. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. unsungpsalm July 9, 2008 at 5:19 pm #

    Yes, the uncertainty makes life interesting. The insecurity does not.

    What I want from Will’s character is basically the faults in his personality, as well as his nuances. And success. No more, I suppose. But I don’t think the 7 year-relationship falling apart to boost ratings.
    Open minded people here? Please introduce me!

    Hope, Hope, HOPE!
    And Sob!

    Thank you! I’m sure you went through it at some point in your life as well…

    Indians are less bigoted? Now that’s calling the grass greener… Yes, I’m probably doing the same as well. I suppose I’ll have to wait and see.
    But I have noticed that hypocrisy is essentially the first quality I notice in the average Indian!

  7. Orange July 9, 2008 at 7:47 pm #

    Philadelphia is a story. I don’t know if it is based on true events (if it is, the human race is all the more richer for it). Don’t take it as THE truth.

    But I’m guessing, there are people who love unconditionally. I haven’t met too many of those yet outside of my family.

    And Will and Grace is also a story. One in which a str8 guy plays the role of a gay guy. That much should tell you not to let it affect you too much.

    And as far as the phases, I guess I shall let time speak. One thing I know, is that if theres something that you are running from, it will come back to hound you. I think the important thing is to know what the lesson to be learnt is, learn it quickly and know that its just a phase and hence by definition it will go away.

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