Les dix révélations

3 Jul

So I got tagged, for the first time ever on this blog! Thank you Sammy!

So the rules are simple! 10 confessions about yourself… random facts, fancies or preferences! Tag another 10 individuals, and let them know!

10 random facts? Wow! I’ve never had the opportunity to be so confessional! Well, I won’t be absolutely uninhibited, that’s for sure! I shall take some time to get there, but yes, at least I can say that I’m gay!

1. I’m paranoid about what others think of me! It has to be a good impression! Which is why I feel uncomfortable around guys who speak to me in Hindi! Especially if they crack a joke in that language, and I feel the need to reciprocate it!
I usually smile stupidly in return and run as fast as I can from the scene. Occasionally, I gather all the courage within me and make an attempt to reciprocate, but inevitably, something silly and accented comes out, and I have to run away from there anyhow. That’s also the reason why I would not want to engage in conversation with someone far older or younger than I am. What if I cannot make good conversation? What if he/she considers me dull? Immature? YIKES!

Ever heard of the famous saying, “If you can’t impress them, confuse them!”? Well, I don’t agree with it. I am only satisfied with impressing.

2. The occasional friend says that I’m popular (“You’re the most famous person in the batch!”, “*coughsuperstarcough*”) and that I’m known to nearly everyone. I shush him or her and refuse to acknowledge it, but am in fact full of glee. Hey, it’s nice to be famous! And I swear I never make an effort towards standing out! But hey, people simply notice this guy who is insistent on speaking in English, always says or does something out-of-the-ordinary etc. etc. but nothing contemptible, hopefully. If I stood out for the wrong reasons, then I wouldn’t be on pally terms with nearly everyone, right? They’d only point fingers and laugh!

But is it nice to be famous because of reasons that arise from your “queerness”? At least, that’s why I think it happens. Not that I strut around or cross-dress or anything, but because (or as I believe) my sexuality makes me feel super-comfortable around girls. I have no qualms in starting a conversation with one, and strike an amazing rapport, instantly becoming popular with the entire lot; which makes me a cause of envy amongst the menfolk. If only I could tell them that it didn’t matter so much since I was gay! Meh! I’d rather they envied me, than despised me! 🙂

3. In the past one year, my Homo-quotient has risen nearly 200%. I’ve suddenly started caring to death about what I’m wearing, how I look, what qualities I want in a boyfriend, how I cannot wait to be working in a nice large metropolitain and becoming a part of its gay scene. I ponder over ways to embrace my sexuality and still be a part of the society (if that’s possible) and hope to bring some change in society.

Yes, I’ve suddenly developed an immense fondness for purchasing clothes. My wardrobe has witnessed growth to the tune of 150%, so have the clothes that I discarded from it! I’m paranoid about maintaining a suitable hair-style, eliminating any amount of hair-loss that may occur. I am becoming selective with my toiletries, obsessed with losing weight and toning up. I constantly scan the internet for queer-news, leave comments whenever possible, and started this blog to show the world that yes, even gay people are real.

4. I relish success. I never admit to it. So when there are victories, small and large, I suppress my glee and only allow the smallest smile to show. On the inside, I sing and dance. Moreover, I dismiss that victory as not worthy of mention, asserting the importance of more vital matters of life (none of which matter too much at that point in time, especially to me). Some may call it hypocritical behaviour. I call it an art, quite similar to that which Jack taught Barry in an episode of Will&Grace (the one with the Fund-Raiser) of how to crack a joke while looking bored, as if it is something you do all the time.

5. I’ve become choosy about underwear, off late. It must fall in either of 2 categories… Sexy or Slutty. Sexy includes and solely comprises of Jockey Boxers. Slutty is reserved to Jockey Elance, the closest one can come to a thong without actually buying one. Now all that’s left is losing a few kgs to look Sexy or Slutty (or both) in them.

6. At times, I consider myself amongst the most mentally mature people in the world, only surpassed by people who would make it to the 9’o’clock news on NDTV. Yes, I consider myself more mature than my own parents, irrespective of what they may opine on the issue. I consider it shameful that they still fail to treat me like an adult.

I attempt to base every judgement of mine on logic and reason, and take special initiative to avoid any component of “morality” in my thought-process, that(morality) which I find synonymous to hypocrisy, bigotry and anarchism.

7. Sometimes, I fear that the person that I will have my first long-term-relationship with is someone I am acquainted with already. That would take away the entire aura of Mystery Man, the thrill of meeting someone new, particularly since nobody that I know presently (and suspect to be queer) fits the equation of Mister Perfect. Or at least, none that I every see crossing paths with in my lifetime.

8. I have a fascination for the west, western culture, westerners. It is not a preference, but an orientation. Sometimes, I wonder if it arises out of a complex. Other times, I believe I’ve come out of the wrong womb. I know that most people would consider it quite sick, but irrespective of all, I consider it innate, and I wish I could change it, just as I wish I could change my sexual orientation; but I cannot. Nonetheless, I can totally imagine myself loving and living with an Indian, giving him my entire loyalty and devotion (should he be willing to do the same). At the same time, the prospects of a commitment with a westerner are bright, should I find one who is willing to “be” a good offer.

9. I’m a little intimidated by straight men who are strangers. It is only when I can establish myself superior to them in some significant way(s) that I can be comfortable around them. It’s weird. It’s me.

10. Once, a close friend of mine who was using my laptop, chanced upon the “website” on my browser history. She didn’t speak to me of it then, but messaged me over it that evening. I lied, saying it came up as spam. She, amusingly, bought it, in spite of noticing that it had been accessed via a proxy server!

I’ve come out to her now, but I find it outrageous that someone who came so close to finding me hiding in the closet, failed to do so in spite of knowing me so well.

It is as if she opened the closet door and saw me standing in there. She asked me what I was doing inside it, and I said “I’m not inside it” and she believed what I said, shut the door and walked away!

__________________________________

So now comes the tagging part. Well, it appears everyone I know here has been tagged, so I’m just going to come back and add anyone who may have escaped my notice. Cheers!

EDIT :

Okay, found one!

FlyGye, you’re it! And your Bebe too, if he’d be willing to yield!

13 Responses to “Les dix révélations”

  1. Rambunctious WhipperSnapper July 3, 2008 at 3:03 am #

    Paranoia, Jockey, HQ, Mentally Mature, Morality, Wrong womb, the west ….

    As I’ve said in the past, u r a more famous, thinner, more intelligent, more tech & fashion savvy, gayer version of me.

  2. closetalk July 3, 2008 at 5:59 am #

    dat was a very interesting observation abt life in the closet and how one’s close friends and family might see it (and us)… oops, you’ve activated the gay academic in me now. sheesh. 🙂

    (thanks, though. dats wat i feed on!)

  3. Dark Knight July 3, 2008 at 9:49 am #

    Can’t speak Hindi, fascination for western cultures, hmmm… interesting. What your lots call ya? Firangee?? 😛
    May b they have new line: Angrez chale gaye Unsung ko chod gaye… hehehe just kidding….

    Cheers!!

  4. unsungpsalm July 3, 2008 at 10:00 am #

    Yep. They call me Angrez. That’s when they just get to know me. Afterwards, I go by my last name… which, to you all, would be Psalm.

    @Closetalk
    Did I now? I thought most of these 10 revelations were rather dull! Hmmm…

    @RambWS
    Okay, why Gayer? *frowns*

  5. chandni July 3, 2008 at 10:57 am #

    quite the cool, this list! Me likes 😀

  6. Crazy Sam July 3, 2008 at 7:57 pm #

    Well.. isn’t it weird that I too beginning to feel like you’re an isotropic version of me!
    I too am paranoid about what others think of me. I too am uncomfortable around guys who speak Hindi (near me). I too am picked for knowing little too much English among the rest. I too strike an amazing rapport with gals than guys, that guys often wonder what I have that they don’t. I too have very strong homo-quotient (all factor that you mentioned applies to me!) The thing that you do when you achieve success, yeah sing and dance with out letting others know, I too do that!

    I’m not choosy about underwear though and I don’t consider myself more mature than my parents. I want my first long-term relationship with someone that I am acquainted with already.

    And you totally nailed on the fascination for west. OMG!! I feel the exact same way! I’m glad that you put words for my thoughts that I was so finding hard to express.

    Intimidated by straight stranger men? Me too! I too feel the need to establish my superiority to them.

    OMG! OMG! OMG!! OK, lemme breathe….. Whew!

  7. Crazy Sam July 3, 2008 at 8:02 pm #

    ok weird! I’m trying to comment and it is not appearing here…

  8. Crazy Sam July 3, 2008 at 8:03 pm #

    if multiple copies come, please delete the rest of them… Weird Weird!!

  9. unsungpsalm July 3, 2008 at 8:59 pm #

    @Sam
    Lol! I’m soo glad about the Foreigner-fantasy! I felt I was being too honest about something too horrid, but you’ll help me cushion the shame 😉

    Having met you and RambWS, my belief is only further strengthened that there exist in this world quite a few stereotype personalities, and every person is a permutation and composition of their traits. Which is what I base my study of human nature on.

  10. Rakesh July 3, 2008 at 11:40 pm #

    Just curious – is your star sign “Scorpio”?

  11. unsungpsalm July 4, 2008 at 1:30 am #

    Nope!
    Art thou an astrologer?

  12. Rambunctious WhipperSnapper July 4, 2008 at 4:56 am #

    So I’m a case study now??

    :0

    *feels used*

  13. unsungpsalm July 4, 2008 at 9:03 am #

    Yes you are.

    *feels like some who uses people*

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