17 Jun

When I was around 14, and I used to log on secretly, searching for topless pictures of cute guys (but not nude, No!), I always told myself that when I was old enough, I would get married, have children and be happy. I thought that desire would come with time. Though I was somewhat aware of my sexuality, I did not imagine it would be permanent (or at least hoped so).

As time passed, I learned to accept that the “feelings” were not going away. I stumbled upon the concept of Marriage of Convenience, and thought that to be the ideal option. Find a good lesbian friend, get married, make everyone else happy, and be happy myself. Today, I think of gay marriage, be it in California (or France or wherever) or in good old Pondicherry, under French law (an incident of which I recall reading about, online, but can no longer find the story!) for if one should make such a commitment, it should be to another who one (intends to) spend the rest of his life with. Yet, the desire for children, or at least child, remains. That is where the greatest struggle lies. Though I think highly of adoption, I can imagine no pleasure greater than holding in one’s arms one’s own off-spring. One’s own creation. An element of one’s own being.

I know my thoughts sound somewhat shallow and trivial, but I also know that these same emotions lie buried at the back of nearly everyone’s mind, however much they may choose to deny it. And I wonder if I will ever come across a guy who would assent to my desire. Ideally, I imagine having one biological child of my own, and one biological child of his, through surrogacy. Is it all that fantastic?

Moreover, at 20, I face the challenge of making enough money to “buy” a woman for a year!

But most of all, I wonder if this desire, too, will fade with time. Is it a moment of childishness? After all that I think I have grown, do I still remain a tad but immature?

Thought For the Time-Being

“It is regressive to be old-fashioned, but it is classy to be fashionably old-fashioned”

– Me

8 Responses to “Gay-volution”

  1. Rambunctious WhipperSnapper June 17, 2008 at 6:39 pm #

    You’re right. This is at the back of most of our minds.

    I once had a whole scenario planned out wherein my boy & i get married to a couple of lesbians, buy houses next to each other and live in unholy matrimony.

    But then I thought I don’t care what anyone thinks so I’d rather we bring up our own children. Then, I wonder if I’ll be a good Dad. I mean being a Dad involves work, which implies that one has to move one’s ass from the chair and get up and do something productive. Which, is usually an impossibility for me. 😀 …

  2. unsungpsalm June 17, 2008 at 9:47 pm #

    Okay, I have to ask! How lazy are you? You tend to attribute it to a massive size, but surely you’re exaggerating, because that is the very root of your humour.
    Frankly, if you’re an (ex)Adnam Sami, you should honestly work at it, else you’ll die and I’ll have to remove your link from my blogroll, and I feel too lazy to do that.

  3. Crazy Sam June 18, 2008 at 7:48 pm #

    Whenever I questioned myself, “Do I wish to raise a baby?”, the answer will scream at me, “NO!!”
    But now when I read this post, especially this, – “I can imagine no pleasure greater than holding in one’s arms one’s own off-spring. One’s own creation. An element of one’s own being.” – I’m finding that scream becoming feebler.

  4. chandni June 19, 2008 at 12:32 pm #

    Interesting post there….I am here to tell you that these thoughts are very common. With everyone!!!

    I personally am not that big on children though…and lean more towards adoption. My logic being that there are already so many out there who need homes and love and a family, why produce more!

  5. robynanne August 20, 2008 at 2:15 am #

    Hi there. I’m a surrogate for a gay couple. It will take a whole lot longer for you to raise the funds to ‘afford to buy a woman’ if you insist on phrasing it that way. There are plenty of people out there that want to help others have a family… but if you think of your surrogate carrier that way, you’ll have to find one of the ones that charges $30K+ to put up with the insulting way that you refer to her. But that is just some advice as you seem to have plenty of time having not yet found the partner that you’d like to carry this out with.

    It certainly isn’t a crazy desire though – and odds are you’ll find plenty of dating material that would also like to have a family. Being gay doesn’t have to mean barren.

  6. unsungpsalm August 20, 2008 at 2:30 am #

    hi Robyn. First of all, I’m delighted that you came across my post. I must confess that I did not know that there were people out there who would genuinely make that sort of sacrifice (carrying another’s child for 9 months) for someone else. So that is very reassuring and truly a gratifying thought!

    I do not, of course, insist on intending to literally buy a woman, which is why I explicitly placed “buy” in double quotes. But I suppose I wasn’t very explicit about what I did mean, right?
    I think it’s a mountain of a sacrifice for a woman to carry another’s child for 9 months. I did not, before reading your message, imagine that there would be those who were doing it voluntarily for people that they had not had any connection with, in life. The usage of the phrase “buy” was simply to get across how absurd the idea seemed to me that a woman would actually make such a sacrifice, and expecting it of another was like wanting to buy another human being in the 21st century… aka, next to impossible. And I have only twice before heard of such a situation, one such case being here in India, where the woman who carried the child for 2 foreign nationals, did so to feed her family and herself.
    Not only would I admire someone who did consent to bear my child, I would worship her and owe my allegiance to her.
    I do hope I come across such a person in my lifetime. And I take my hats off to you for your selflessness and consideration.

  7. robynanne September 6, 2008 at 12:23 am #

    Hey! Look at you commenting back 15 minutes after me! That is a relief! It does make a difference to know that you didn’t really think it was possible.

    Actually, there are a number of people that sign up to be carriers. Many of them, like myself, have personal experience that would lead them to understand the grief of not having a very wanted child.

    We just found out we’re having twins!!

  8. unsungpsalm September 6, 2008 at 8:33 am #

    That’s fabulous! Some one is going to be a very very lucky parent (or two!) Congratulations to them and congratulations to you for making it happen!

    I suppose now that I am aware, I have unconsciously started building my plans around a hope of coming across one of these individuals who could make it happen for people like us 🙂

    It gives one some purpose to live.

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