The Unsung Psalm

Boy did she do it this time! And she’s never really slipped like this before, so I’m extremely surprised, and quite disappointed. Not to mention offended and exposed.

So I was talking to her at the library when an acquaintance comes up to her and asks her, “By the way, was it you who wrote an article on Prop. 8?”
On hearing that, I almost jumped. And then, she responded to him in affirmative. I nearly sank into my chair!

Fact is that she follows developments on 377 (and Prop. 8, quite evidently) but we scarcely discuss them together. And in the absence of my knowledge, she went ahead and posted a rather strongly-worded article slamming California for passing Prop. 8.

The reason she did so was evident. Because she loves me so dearly, and I do to. So why am I so concerned?

Well, imagine this. A girl who has grown up in the smallest town in the world with little exposure to urban culture, practically no exposure to homosexuality that the average bystander or even close friend (but me) knows of, and little reason to have such a definite opinion on a matter that doesn’t concern her, her town or even her country, writes so passionately about it. Especially when she writes once in a month! About how a state in the US doesn’t want to let gay people get married. Why should she care?
“Co-incidentally”, this same girl also spends all her time with a guy who is likely to be gay; and who she’s not dating in spite of spending all her time with. (Oh, and I’m that guy!)

Yes, yes! I know that all of you will be up in arms against me for being paranoid and making a hullabaloo out of nothing. But for one, I tried to be understanding, repeatedly told her it was all right. I did ask her to be a bit more cautious in the future, but told her to forget the entire episode. Nonetheless, she was extremely apologetic and realised that she’d committed quite a blunder.

For the record, I’m not being paranoid for no reason.

If you cannot understand what I’m going through, then you don’t know what it’s like to have people whisper about you behind your back, while in earshot. You don’t know what it’s like to have someone make snide remarks on your face. You don’t know how it feels to be ridiculed of for being what you actually are. In front of other people… in front of friends. And acquaintances. In public. Even if it happens in jest.
It’s humiliating, it’s painful. And while you don’t know better, it makes you wonder if they are right, and you are in fact, muck.

I thought I left all of that behind 2 and a half years ago, when I left that city. I hoped it wouldn’t follow me here. And for most of it, it didn’t.

The campus that I live in, the whole town that I live in, has not a single person (in tens of thousands) who is openly gay. Not one. And for every reason. Because it’s not safe. Because all we ask for, and are denied, is to be left alone. But they don’t leave us alone. They pick and prod. And they jeer, celebrating their own majority by assaulting the minority.

If people knew, maybe even some of our own friends and family, most would not understand… simply because they don’t need to be able to understand. They’re fine… they’re normal… they’re set for life.
Some find it in them to accept differences, but most don’t. For that’s just human.

It is in our secrecy that we find security. And like everyone else, it is peace and security that we seek. Just a little bit of normalcy in our lives. The right to live without fear and discrimination. Why should be be denied it?

With her article, I think that secret was divulged a bit. Friends will wonder. If she were to remove the article now, they would be convinced.

Yet, she only meant well.